A New Life

seventy two.

"I want to now,"

Abby's POV

Saturday, April 18th (same day)

Stefania stays seated on the arm of the chair, looking at me intently.

"Okay," she says quietly. "What's going on, bella?" she asks sincerely. I take a deep breath, trying to figure out how to put what I'm feeling into words.

"I need help," I blurt out. Stefania's face slowly morphs to a concerned expression. "I need help, but I don't know how to tell Danielle," I elaborate. "Ever since my emancipation went through, I've been waiting and waiting for the relief to finally set in. I mean, I was obviously so happy when I got that phone call, but it still hasn't completely set in what it means for me. My anxiety has been getting worse every single day for no reason, and I hate it because I was handling everything so well recently." Once I start to talk, I spiral and can't seem to stop. I feel myself start to panic, my leg bouncing up and down rapidly and not being able to focus my gaze anywhere specific.

"Hey, bambina," Stefania says softly, standing up from the edge of the chair and kneeling down in front of me. I immediately feel tears well up in my eyes. "I need you to take a deep breath for me," she says while grabbing ahold of my hands. I listen to her instructions, trying my best to breathe in deeply. "Good," she whispers.

"I don't know why I feel like this," the first tear rolls down my cheek as I look Stefania in the eyes. "It feels like every single negative emotion that I thought I've managed to avoid are all coming crashing down on me now. When I first started to feel it, I thought I could just ignore it or deal with it on my own. And then Danielle kept telling me how proud of me she is and how well I've been dealing with everything and how far I've come since I first met her," hot tears stream down both of my cheeks as Stefania continues to look me in the eyes, listening to me intently. "But I can't do this anymore," I nearly choke on my own tears. "I need help, and I need her, but I keep pushing her away and I hate it. But I don't know how to tell her that I've been feeling like this. I'm so scared to disappoint her." I sob.

"Abby, I need you to listen to me carefully," Stefania says softly after I finish speaking. "I can guarantee you that saying this to Danielle would not disappoint her," she says sternly, but warmly. I listen to her with tears still pouring out of my eyes. "The only thing that Danielle cares about is making sure that you're taken care of and happy." I nod my head silently, not being able to get any more words out. "Come here, bambina," Stefania whispers as she pushes herself off of the ground and onto the couch next to me. She opens her arms up, and I don't hesitate in falling into them, sobbing into her shoulder. "You're okay, bella," she soothes while rubbing my back. "I'm happy that you trust me enough to be comfortable coming to me with something like that,"

Stefania continues to hold me as I let everything out. Stefania is right; Danielle couldn't be disappointed in me for telling her all of this because I know that the only thing she cares about is being there for me whenever I need her. But even realizing that, I still don't know how to tell her.

"Promise me you know that feeling this way isn't a bad thing," Stefania says once my sobs calm down after a few minutes. I nod my head against her shoulder. "You've had so much going on lately, and it was all a distraction from your emotions. But now that you don't have much going on, there's no distraction anymore and you're forced to deal with everything. This is completely normal, bella, okay?" I nod my head once again, scared that if I try to talk yet I'll burst into tears again.

I stay embraced in her arms for a a few more minutes, trying to calm down all the way knowing that Danielle would be coming home soon. When I pull away from Stefania's arms, she looks at me with concerned eyes.