neighbors

Clarified

I know that I'm probably overreacting but I'm already nervous about proposing as it is and the way she was so nonchalant & dismissive about getting married kinda makes me feel like she's going to say no.
I don't know what to fucking do now. I love her so much but I hate that she's so weird when it comes to commitment; she was the same way about being my girlfriend and having an official title, she was the same way about moving back to LA, she was the same way about taking care of Josh and it really fucking hurt me that she took so long to move in with me. It made me feel like she doesn't trust me or the quality of our relationship. Fuck maybe this is a mistake and I really am doing too much too soon.

—
I slept like complete shit but woke up to the smell of coffee. I really don't wanna get out of bed and deal with this right now. She's definitely right about me shutting down when I'm triggered. I forced myself out of bed anyway, showered and washed up before heading to the living room where Blake was sitting on couch reading a book and sipping on coffee.
"Morning" I stated pouring myself a cup.
"morning" she said softly.
I walked over, sat on the opposite side of the couch and stretched my legs out.
"So, I think we should talk."
"Agreed" Blake replied shortly.
"First off, I'm sorry if I came off any type of way last night. I mean you already know how I am right? The king of shutting down......."
"Billie I....." Blake interrupted.
"Nah stop, I'm not finished. Just listen please." I interrupted her.
"Blake....I love you and I don't say that shit lightly. I would do anything for you. When I'm not with you all I do is countdown the time until I do get to be with you again. You're my best fucking friend and jesus christ we literally survived someone trying to murder us together" I laughed. Crazy we can laugh at that now.
"With that said.....You should know that I brought you out here to propose. I wanna marry you, I want you to be my wife, I want to keep raising Josh together and maybe even have a couple of babies of our own at some point" I confessed.

Blake sat there with a blank expression staring at her lap and picking at her nails.
"Shit. This is a lot to process Bils" She groaned softly.
"Please don't take this the wrong way but what's wrong with the way that things are? Why do we need to get married to be happy and raise Josh?" She asked.
I didn't really know how to respond but it was a hit to my ego because clearly she doesn't wanna marry me.
"Fuck Blake I don't know. I guess because it's like the ultimate commitment that two people make who don't want anyone else but each other. Or maybe because it's dope to share a last name, or because if something ever happened to me I'd be able to set you up and take care of you & Josh after I was gone and because weddings are fun...." I explained in an annoyed tone.
"Okay."
"Okaaaaaay what????" I asked confused as fuck.
"I'll marry your dumbass" she laughed.
"If you're fucking with me ima break up with you."
Blake moved over to where I was sitting, straddled my lap, grabbed my face and planted her lips on mine. "I'm sorry I'm a weirdo but I love you more than anything & im fucking stoked that you want me to be your wife Miss Eilish."
"Aye hold up I'll be right back" I said pushing her off of my lap. "Billie you're so gentle and romantic I can't even stand it baby!" Blake laughed from behind me.
"Shut up if you want a ring!" I yelled from the bedroom.
"Wait. You got me a ring????"
I plopped back down on the sofa and held out my hand with the ring box resting on my palm.
"Bils...." Blake whined hesitant to take it.
"I mean sorry you ruined my proposal plan and everything....."
"What do you mean? You can still ask properly" she smirked. I rolled my eyes, got on my knees and opened the box.
"Blake Diaz, you're my best friend, you're the most beautiful person inside and out and you eat pussy like your life depends on it. I gotta lock that shit down, respectfully" I winked.
"You're so stupid!" She laughed. But her eyes were watering too so I know she liked most of what I said.
"Yes Billie, I'll marry you" She smiled.
I took the ring out of the box, slid it on her finger and watched her examine it.
"Please tell me you like it" I asked nervously biting my lip.