PICKUP LINES [] WILBUR SOOT

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PRONOUNCIATIONS ! "Kajal" is pronounced like "kah-juhl" i guess? and "Balakrishnan" is "baah-luh-krish-nen" i think

my last name is so easy for me to pronounce but no one can pronounce it. 

white people smh /j /lh

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Kajal was just kinda chilling. Listening to some music, eyeing the guitar in the corner of the room and wondering whether or not they should try to play it again. Last time hadn't gone so great. 

Their phone dinged. 

They ignored it. 

Their phone dinged again.

They continued to ignore it.

Their phone dinged three times in a row.

What the fuck.

Kajal picked up their phone, glaring at the screen. They expected it to be one of their stupid friends, but it was instead a Twitter DM from...

...huh?

Wilbur Soot?

Kajal immediately read it, because they couldn't deny they were a fan of the guy. They were almost certain he'd deleted Twitter, though, so what the hell was this?

Wilbur Soot: are you a salmon because

Wilbur Soot: i'll be a gentleman and just not finish that

kage: what the fuck

Wilbur Soot: it's a pickup line

Wilbur Soot: not my finest but hey

Wilbur Soot: did it work

kage: no??

Wilbur Soot: oh

Wilbur Soot: i'll have to keep trying until it does then >:(

Wilbur Soot: unless i make you uncomfortable at which point i will stop and apologize

kage: huh?? tf?? did you get hacked? am i on drugs? i dont remember taking drugs. did someone drug me? holy fuck am i gonna get kidnapped

Wilbur Soot: what?

Wilbur Soot: no

Wilbur Soot: no im just flirting with you mx kage please get with the program here

kage: omg stawp

kage: dont respect my gender identity or i'll fall in love with you

Wilbur Soot: ok mx if you insist

kage: how do you even know who i am

Wilbur Soot: ive seen snippets of your writing floating around the internet and thought it was really cool so i came to check out what you tweet about

Wilbur Soot: i'll admit that i didnt expect you to simultaneously be an incredible author and a DreamSMP fan but hey, all the better for me

kage: WHOA

kage: IM SORRY HANG ON A SECOND I JUST HAD TO SLAP MYSELF

kage: I KNOW THE BEST WRITER LIKE EVER DIDNT JUST COMPLEMENT MY WRITING

kage: well

kage: the best author right after markus zusak

kage: the book thief <3

Wilbur Soot: i like that book

kage: SIR??? DONT MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU :/

Wilbur Soot: :D

Kajal stared at their phone in disbelief.

The Wilbur Soot had not only noticed them and complemented their work, but flirted with them. AND RESPECTED THEIR GENDER IDENTITY, AT THAT.

This had to be some kind of fever dream.

(spoiler alert: it was not a fever dream)