The Crossroad of You and Me

▪ I am Fed up with this! ▪

Pinning her to the bed immediately with her body taking deep breaths underneath, he asked in a husky voice," I am with you because of my lust right? Then why don't I just fulfill it?"

There was the music of heavy breaths which played in the background. With the intensity of the eye-lock burning them, Rudra couldn't help but tighten his hold. With her lips quivering, he saw her lips moving with the name she uttered. He knew she was scared. Taking a deep sigh, he pushed himself down and kissed her forehead before pushing himself away from her. Lying down next to her, he saw that her eyes were closed and her hand was clutched to the bedsheet.

Maya, who was relieved by his actions, turned towards the other side with her back facing him. If he had taken a wrong step, she knew that she wouldn't let that happen. She doubted him and she felt this would end in a plain divorce if their problems weren't resolved.

Studying different designs of the ceiling, he looked at it contemplating different things in their life. It started with Miya's birth. No, he didn't blame Miya for their distance. In fact, she was the glue sticking their broken halves together. Parenting her, her admissions, her needs were put straight before them which left them no time for each other.

There were a plethora of coffee dates that they had missed due to their inability to say a 'No' to their superiors. Lot of instances and chances, but right now, they regret it. Long back, giving up coffee dates and small moments with each other had became a habit, silently destroying their relationship. When it happened in the past, they regretted now, in the present more than ever before.

They laid down in the same position without speaking about anything. Rudra knew he was wrong and he was mocking himself about what he was going to do. He would have done it because he was irritated and the word 'lust' made him feel very angry. How dare she use such a language? Did she consider it? He knew the answer was 'No' but when the mind is so irritated, it's difficult to control the tongue. He knew it.

Maya was thinking of what was going to happen! She thought that he would do it. She felt their emotional distance turning into anger today. And the look in his eyes scared her. Just like Rudra, Maya found so many loopholes of their distance and how they could have overcome it. 

She didn't want to touch those areas where her past with MJ was before her eyes. A peck before a few days resulted in a smile and when it wasn't followed by a date or at least a few minutes of talk without a fight, the connection broke off ending up in a bed with conflicting thoughts...

It wasn't good to let anything stay on...

"Maya, I am sorry.." Rudra, who now supported himself on the bed with the elbow spoke to which she had a neutral expression. How long will they say sorry? How long will they continue on a relationship which has no value now?

On the other hand, she knew that a divorce would only worsen it. What about Miya? The fact that they only had so much of emotional distress and the need to reduce it was the only reason. Otherwise, he had been a perfect (not now) husband and a father. As much as they needed each other mentally, saying 'no' was difficult at this stage. But risks are to be taken, right?

With her hands folded over her stomach, she laid in the same position without any reply. Minutes passed since the apology yet there was neither any movement that gave hope nor any reply which made his/her heart warm. He deserved the silence but come on Maya, speak something! With no initiative from her side, he spoke, "Maya, I know that I have said many sorries and that I am repeating my mistakes."

Releasing a deep breath, she released a sigh before turning towards him and asking him," Did I fail in the commitment called Marriage Rudra?" 

"At times, we both had our mistakes of letting go and giving time to each other when we weren't perfect. I didn't mean we shouldn't have had our'me' time, but our efforts were less. Either we ignored it or we didn't mind the fact." She couldn't help but nod at the reality. She too had let him go without taking an initiative. That was her fault.