Our Flame

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NADIA

I look away avoiding eye contact with Aleksi, at least he looks less angry right now. "Nadia, you did hit me first but, I guess I shouldn't have pushed you."

"Just stop talking Alek." Luka sighs.

"Was that supposed to be an apology?" I finally look at him. I then notice the bruising on his cheek and around his eye. 

I knew I got some good hits in.

"Why would I apologize, if you haven't either?" He's twenty-two but he's acting like a child.

I scoff, "Are you incapable of being empathetic?"

He opens his mouth to speak but I don't allow him to. "Even I feel guilty when I had every right to hit you, the least you can do is apologize."

Aleksi narrows his eyes at me, "You had no right to hit me." I let out a breath, giving up. "Whatever." I stand up from my seat.

"I'm tired, good night."

Bad night.

"No, I want to talk." Aleksi's voice stops me. "Speak then, or are you going to bruise my other rib?"

His face softens a bit when I mention how he injured me, I guess he is empathetic. "You just don't know what it's like, Nadia."

I roll my eyes, I'm pretty sure he said something like that before telling me I wasn't supposed to be born and that I was a parasite.

"I get it, okay? You lost Mama but you weren't here to deal with the aftermath of losing both parents. You weren't there, Nadia. I don't expect you to understand what it's like to miss Papa, because you had the chance to live with him."

"He shouldn't have said that." Gianna whispers to Luka while he nods in agreement.

I glare at him, "The aftermath, are you fucking serious?"

"You weren't there for anything. You didn't see Mama plead for him to put the gun down, beg him to stop what he was doing. God, you didn't have to hear Niko cry and scream for her to wake up, I did. Aleksi, it was all me."

The truth is about to come out, the whole truth.

"So I'm sorry that you miss him but don't ever think for a second that it compares to anything I've felt throughout the past seven years." I say in one breath.

"Mama committed suicide. Nadia you know that." Aleksi scoffs. "I can't believe you'd try to lie just to make Papa seem bad."

"She's not lying." Niko defends. "Mama didn't kill herself, I don't know why you guys believed that."

Niko sighs,"We were never in the next room when we heard the gun shot- we were all in the same room. At first it was just Nadia and I, we were watching a movie then he came in. He stood in the doorway for a while just watching us. After he brought in Mama, it was obvious she had been crying. She tried to tell him not to do anything in front of us but he pulled out his gun and h-he-"

Tears come to my eyes, "And he shot her, right in front of us." I finish.

Of course there are some details Niko and I aren't telling them, but it's for their own sanity.

"That's the man you look up to Aleksi." Viktor rubs a hand across his face. "Not even a man." Vadim corrects. Still Aleksi looks deep in thought.

"I'm sorry you both had to witness that." Viktor and Vadim come to hug us while Gianna rubs my shoulder.

"You both are lying." We all turn our heads and look at him.

Denial.

"Alek please, just stop." Gianna pleads. "Why would your own siblings lie about your mothers death?" She adds. Aleksi starts to pace.

"He loved her, he wouldn't do that."

"Aleksi he hit her, all the time and he treated her like she was nothing. That shit wasn't love, it was abuse disguised as love." Luka says while we nod in agreement.

"Alek, you'll always have love for him but he isn't the good person you want him to be. He killed Mama." Vadim tells him. Aleksi nods.

I hope he's finally understanding. For the sake of our family, he better be understanding.

"I'm sorry, Nadia." He whispers. 

"You should be." And with that I exit the kitchen. Maybe I was wrong for not forgiving him since he now has to deal with the fact that Mama didn't kill herself.

I hated that excuse, that lie. It was believable though- a woman who was abused on a daily basis. Why would anyone suspect anything?

I sigh walking into our backyard taking a seat in the grass. "Everything's more peaceful at night." I mumble to myself.

**

LUKA

I knew my mother didn't kill herself- she was so strong, the strongest person I've ever known.

It made no sense, she'd never leave us. Especially not with him.

She loved us too much for that.

Besides the story never added up but now that Niko and Nadia confirmed it, it feels like an old wound has been reopened.

And it's not a good feeling.

"Why'd you never say anything?" Vadim asks Niko. "I didn't know how." Niko states. "I mean I knew how, but what difference would it have made? I couldn't save her and now she's gone."

"It wasn't your fault Niko." We all tell him. I look at my little brother it's clear he doesn't believe it. Vadim sighs looking at a distressed Aleksi.

"How about you guys go find Nadia?" Viktor tells Niko and I.

I want to hear what else Aleksi has to say but I also need to be there for Nadia and Niko. "Come on." I lead Niko out of the kitchen.

My mother's gone, how it happened doesn't change that but it does make me angrier. When she first passed I was mad, at everyone.

I was twelve, part of me didn't understand and the other parts hated the world for being so cruel.

Now I'm nineteen and I've seen all the cruel parts of the world. I might as well be one of them. I've killed, I've tortured and worst of all, I've barely felt remorse.

All the people that I've killed had done horrible things, committed horrible crimes. So when I killed them I thought it was justice in some sick way. Now I know that I'm no better than them.

"Found her." Niko points to the back yard. I follow him as I shake the thoughts from my head.

"You okay?" I ask taking a seat next to her. Nadia looks at Niko and I giving us a smile. "Yeah." She answers.

I look at Niko and he knows she's lying too, "You know we love you right, Nadia." I remind her. She let's out a small laugh. "I love you guys too."

Then Niko speaks up, "You aren't okay either Luka." I raise my eyebrow. "I saw the way you looked when we said the truth about what happened." Nadia agrees.

"This is supposed to be about you, Nadia." I joke trying to avoid this conversation. Both of the twins stare at me.

"You can't keep it all bottled up." Niko says. "You'll never heal if you do." Nadia adds.

Heal.

"How do you heal from something like this?" I question.

For the longest time I avoided talking about my mother and I thought I was healed. This is making me realize that I never was.

"I don't know." Nadia shrugs. "But I know that you don't do it alone."

A small smile spreads across my face, "You heal with the love of семья." Niko says and I nod.

translation: family

That's how I'll heal, it's how we'll all heal.

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