Our Flame

xxxvii

NADIA

I flop around in my bed, never finding a comfortable position. The second I close my eyes, I know I'll be sucked into another nightmare.

With a huff, I rise from the bed. Tonight's different, my feet don't lead me to the kitchen. Instead I'm face to face with Ezra's closed door.

I debate on knocking for a while- Yes we had a good conversation but I have no idea what to say now.

I was about to walk away until the door opened revealing a shirtless Ezra.

"πανεμορφη." He speaks. Ezra's hair is a mess but somehow a perfect mess, tattoo's are scattered all across his chest. Finally, I look up; meeting his eyes.

translation: beautiful

"Why aren't you sleeping?" I ask. Ezra chuckles as he leans against the doorframe. "Why aren't you?"

"Because I'm your bodyguard." I respond. "So you have to be with me at all times?" Ezra wonders. I don't think before I nod my head.

Ezra moves aside allowing me into his room, "Sleep." I point to his bed. "It doesn't work like that." He quotes me. "Sit." He points to the other side of the bed.

I obey- he lays in the bed as I sit next to him. We're in silence for a few moments but I didn't mind. It wasn't the painful silence, it was contentment.

"There's something I didn't tell you." Ezra speaks. I towards him, "My father wants me dead." He says it as if it's no problem.

But it is a problem.

"Why did we get stuck with the crazy fathers?" I sigh. Ezra smiles a little bit but still his dimples came out. "What's the craziest thing yours has done?"

I want to get to know Ezra, I want no barriers between us. So I take a risk, "He killed my girlfriend." Ezra stares at me for a moment.

"Her name was Vera, and my father thought whatever we shared would make me weak." I explain.

Ezra grabs my hand, intertwining them. Not saying anything- but saying everything at once.

"I'm sorry, for whatever it's worth." Usually when people apologized for Vera's death, it'd upset me. I didn't want apologies, I wanted her.

But now? I accepted that apology. Vera is gone, but pieces of her will continue to live. And I'll kill my father so she can peacefully rest.

It's not living, but it's peace. Unfortunately, that's all I can give her.

"Your turn." I tell him. Ezra thinks for a moment, "When I would refuse to do something for him, he'd threaten my sister. She was five and innocent." Ezra says.

I don't know what to say, so I give his hand a squeeze. "Even after the threats her death still hurt him, I think it turned him into the worst person imaginable."

"What was your sister's name?" I ask. Ezra sighs, "Astria." He responds. "That's a pretty name." I mumble.

Ezra nods in response, "I know she was the best part of me. After her death, I don't know- I was no different then my father. I was and I am cruel."

I shake my head, "You're not cruel, Ezra."

"You haven't seen those parts of me." I shrug at his response, "Even when I do, it won't change anything. We've all done bad things, Ezra." I tell.

"I've killed people, Nadia." He reminds. I want to say- 'But you've also saved people.' But I don't.

"Did they deserve it?" I question. Ezra sighs, "πανεμορφη- Yes or no." I interrupt. "Yes." He answers.

"So not everyone will see it this way, but you did the world a favor." I smile. "You're crazy." Ezra laughs, still holding my hand.

"What separates me from them?" Ezra wonders after a moment. I shrug, "You're capable of knowing when enough is enough." I get closer to him as I say the last part.

"And you have people to pull you back, away from all the darkness. Everything you've done the past week and a half, has definitely separated you from them."

Ezra stares at me instead of responding, he seems deep in thought as he stares into my eyes. "What?" I question. Ezra shrugs.

"You're so beautiful, Nadia."

I look away, moving back from his bare chest. "Can you sleep now?" I stand up. Ezra gets up as well,  "You're not leaving."

"I don't want you to leave." He adds. I don't want to get too close. I don't want my father to kill him, like he did Vera.

"Stay with me." Ezra grabs my hand again. "You're supposed to be my bodyguard." He whispers. I laugh.

"One night." I say as our faces are inches apart. "We'll see." He pulls me back to his bed. I didn't have to flop around to get comfortable, my head lays on Ezra's chest as his arm is dangled around my waist.

And for the second time, I woke up without any nightmares.

NIKOLAI

"What do you want?" I pull the cigarette from my lips. "I want you to keep your word." Luka responds.

Luka has let his facial hair grow out, since Nadia's been gone. Viktor and Vadim have dived into work and Gianna is the only one keeping us sane.

Despite her own pain.

"You said you wouldn't shut down again." Luka reminds me. "I'm still here, aren't I?" I grab the bottle next to me.

"Barely, you're a fucking mess." Luka scoffs. I shrug putting the bottle to my lips, I still have two and a half months to go without Nadia.

I'll deal with that in whatever way I feel like.

"Would Nadia want to see you like this? No, so stop acting like she's dead and get off your ass." Luka shouts as he leaves my room.

I down the rest of the bottle, of course Nadia wouldn't want to see me like this. And I know she's not dead but why can our family never have it all.

Something always has to happen, our peace is always taken.

Always ruined.

I get up from my seat with a groan, putting out the cigarette. Nadia is living right now, I know she is. So I won't drown myself in my own sorrows.

I'll go back to therapy and I'll do things, these few months will be fine.

I hope.

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