ethan becomes based

ethan escapes castle dimitrescu

by the time ethan reached the cellar, everything was already going to shit. he had slipped on something and fell flat on his face. when he sat up, he saw a damn rat looking at him. how could a place This Nice have rats?! then again, the rat just scurried away which made it a lot better than those horrible bugs he had to duel in louisiana. he shook that thought out of his mind and hopped back up. he took out the list and saw a lot of it was pretty Standard Stuff... hmmm.

"Dear Ethan Winters,

Please bring the following to my chambers within the next three hours. If you are one minute late, I will kill you. :)

- Wine (You will recognize which one you are supposed to bring, I assume.)

- The packages the servants left in the cellar on accident

- Shrek 2 Blu-Ray (For Daniela)

There is not much but I know you walk slow and get lost easily which is why there is so much allotted time. Farewell.

- Lady Dimitrescu"

ethan looked around and sighed. he wondered if lady dimitrescu Knew that her cellar was flooded with some gross red liquid. he prayed to god it was just spillt wine and not human blood. he was going to have to go through this and hunt for the stuff lady d wanted or Else.. he took his jacket off and set it on the floor, hoping the rats didnt go and nest in his pockets. he considered taking off All his clothes so that they wouldn't get wet but just shook his head and started wading into the liquid.

"if rose ever hears about this and isn't thoroughly impressed with what i did... Sigh. can't say i won't be disappointed..." he thought aloud.

he saw a random bottle of wine sticking out of one of the shelves but it didnt impress Him much beyond the fact that it was in his general field of vision. he figured this bottle of wine she wanted would have to be unique and maybe even a bit sexy... he chose to keep walking for a bit longer until something else intrigued him. eventually though, he found his way Out of the liquid and into some scary dungeon area. it looked like some shit out of a history museum.

"uhhh, yeah. what the fuck is all this," he mumbled. he was only saying these things out loud to remember that this was all Real. it wasn't just a vision, it wasn't just some random nightmare he was having again, but real life. yes, he was walking around in the cellar (and now dungeon) of a nine-foot tall vampire milf... oh, life was so strange. this is why he was a firm believer in the stance that reality is stranger than fiction.

in the dungeon, he found a cart with several boxes and packages set on top of it. he plucked one off and looked at it carefully. ethan recognized it to be an amazon package but... how the hell did amazon even make it to this place? he assumed the duke was like a proxy serviceman; lady dimitrescu bought something, the duke went and retrieved it from a more Normal location, and then brought it back to the village. but if this village had no bank, how were they even servicing credit cards and currency conversion...? no, ethan had no time to be thinking about these things. he already settled on the fact that reality was odd enough.

he picked them up and realized this was going to be extremely difficult to manage. there were like, six packages and most of them were in Medium Sized Boxes. he decided to stack them and leave them until he had retrieved the other things. then, he could use the stupid cart to push them around again. he continued walking around through the dungeon. it smelled like rot and Sadness; the vibes were not pleasant in the slightest.

"okay, now where's shrek. you know what, i feel like if i go walking around a bit more i might run into him," ethan chuckled. he didn't know who he was making jokes to but it eased the pain. it wasn't even a coherent joke.