Moonbae Oneshots Written Too Early In The Morning

Do You Like Him?

"Do you still like Jacob?"

"What does it matter if I like him or not? He already has a boyfriend!" Kevin turned back to the living room as he searched for his phone.

"Yeah, I know."

"I know you know, so that begs the question." Kevin found and pocketed his phone, raising his head to notice Chanhee in the doorway. "Why do you ask? If I said yes, you knew it'd make no difference."

Chanhee uncrossed his arms, taking purposeful strides Kevin's way. "I just wanted an explanation. You're hanging around him an awful lot-"

Kevin interjected with an accusatory finger, "I hang with the others-" Chanhee placed a hand on Kevin's shoulder to be met with a frown.

"You do, but you seem to linger around Jacob the most. If you do, it's alright, I won't tell-" Again Chanhee was cut off when Kevin shrugged his hand off with furrowed brows. He didn't glare or hit Chanhee but just gave an exasperated sigh.

Raising his hands violently, Kevin gave Chanhee a look of defeat, eyes wide with unclarity. "I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL!" Kevin thrashed his arms animatedly as he voiced his thoughts, pacing back and forth, not looking at Chanhee anymore but at his own rapidly moving feet. "I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL! I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE HIM! I THINK I DO! BUT I ALSO DON'T? IT'S LIKE, EMOTIONS, WHAT'RE YOU THINKING?" Chanhee could feel giggles bubble in his chest as Kevin looked over with now disheveled hair and spacey eyes, tiny stars sparkled within but they were close to burning out, it was something to get lost in, and in there was Kevin, lost in his spaced out mind. Trying to find his ship to fly back home.

His brows were no longer furrowed but slanted into sad crescents, and soon, the mad man was laughing. Cracking into a smile and chuckling at himself, others would think he's insane,

Chanhee thought Kevin could be at times,

But he knew that was Kevin,

An insane but loving soul.

"I sound really silly, don't I?" He laughed, Chanhee let himself giggle a little, placing a hand before his mouth. Kevin dropped his arms as he gave a dopey grin.

"You do, but that's ok." Kevin wrapped his arms around Chanhee's tiny waist, snuggling against the crook of the other's neck, eyes closed and a soft smile laying complacent upon his lips. Chanhee sighed as he rolled his eyes and grinned, patting Kevin on the back lightly. "It's ok that you don't know, it's ok to not know things. You'll find your way eventually, it might take some time but I know you will, you might take the long way around, running in circles a few times, coming to dead ends, but also knowing you, you won't give up, you stubborn brat." Chanhee chuckled, letting Kevin go along with the warmth they shared.

Kevin looked up with a weary grin, a cracked screen protector, still working but fragile, to be cared for like it was the universe. "Thank you."

Chanhee couldn't help but give a scrunched smile, fighting the urge to break out into a complete grin. "Anytime, I'm sorry for asking so much."

"It's alright, I was being kind of confusing, but everything I do is a little confusing" Chanhee tittered with Kevin.

~~~~~~~~~~

"He'll never look at me the way he looks at him, will he?"

"No."

"He'll laugh with me, but it won't be the same laugh he gives him, will it?"

"Also no."

"He doesn't feel the ache I feel right now, does he? He's there, smiling cheerily. Gosh, he has such a beautiful smile."

"Can't disagree," Chanhee laughed beneath his breath to receive a playful punch from Kevin . "Hey, I don't like him like you do but I can still tell when people are cute."

"He's more than cute, he's an angel."

Chanhee rolled his eyes as he animatedly spoke to himself, "How many times have I heard that comparison? Probably over a thousand."

Kevin ignored his sarcastic friend, continuing to fawn over the blond haired male from afar. "We'll still talk, right?"

"I honestly don't know. People do grow a part, but if you were asking about being replaced then I doubt it."

"But what if I am? What if he never speaks to me again? Never goes on walks, never shares a meal, makes bets with me, what if we never laugh or cry together again? What if I never get over him and he marries that guy? What if I'm stuck in this constant pain for the rest of my life?"

"Kevin, you really need to calm down already."

"Chanhee." Chanhee lolled his head to Kevin's direction dramatically only to be met with a broken vase made of glass. Shattered to pieces, unable to form coherent words, barely able to move. Kevin now had tears in his eyes, spilling over his cheeks, dripping from his chin and staining his shirt, splotches of darkened fabric spread across his chest. Small sniffles that he tried to let out silently making them sound choked.

"Kevin," it wasn't Chanhee's dry sarcasm but said with soft care, the way one should handle glass.

"It hurts, I didn't expect it to hurt so much but it hurts. Everytime I see his smiling face it feels like there's someone else laughing at me for being such a fool, like he's trying to tell me 'I don't need you, I'm happy without you.' Everytime he mentions a milestone in their relationship I get this deep sinking in my stomach, like it's empty but so close to overfilling that I want to scoop my guts out with an ice cream scooper, scraping it so clean you can hear your echo in the open cavity. And as they get rid of my guts I'm not allowed an anesthetic but have to smile through it all. I have to smile and laugh, even help the doctors performing this operation. I listen to him as he gushes about his love for another man even though it feels like I'm being tied down to a chair having my eyes forced open, open to the harsh truth that the love I crave is hopeless." Kevin took a shaky sigh, tears still falling slow. "Because that's what a good friend does. Because I love him so much I just want his happiness, even if it costs me mine. Deep down, I know they're perfect for each other, I know I have my own problems to work through, and that he wouldn't be happy with me." Kevin now rested his chin on Chanhee's shoulder, staining Chanhee's shirt with his tears but Chanhee didn't complain. Kevin sobbed, "Chanhee, he wouldn't be happy with me, I'm not happy with me." Chanhee said nothing but continued to stroke Kevin's hair lovingly, rubbing his back and holding him like a mother does with their newborns. "I want to be happy, I want to smile without him. I want to live not for him, but for me, whatever my reason is."

"Kev," Chanhee pulled back, holding Kevin's red puffy eyed face by the shoulders. "Let's find that reason then."

A silent nod was all Kevin gave as he bit his own lip.

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This went through many rewrites and the story behind the writing of this is sad if I'm being honest.

I wasn't sure if I should have elaborated more on the beginning or not, but I ended up writing this to get some stuff out