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Ican't believe it. I can't believe any of it. My best friend is getting married and I'm happy for him, of course. But a part of me feels shattered because he is not getting married to me.
We are practically a family already but without the marriage and the kids, and definitely not as in 'related family'.
I always saw him more as a brother when we were younger but time goes by and I realize now that he means more to me, so much more and I want him to be more to me.
My eyes wanders over the kitchen counter and then lands on the very beautiful, well decorated card. My invitation to their wedding. I'm invited, but only as someone in the audience.
I'm not even his best man. That makes me want to stab myself in the chest. That would at least hurt less than what I'm feeling right now.
Now when I think about it, being Steve's best man would not be much better because that means I would have to be there, standing behind him, watching how he gets married to someone else. I would never be able to handle that.
So I decide to just not go at all. It saves a lot of pain for- I guess it only saves pain for me, considering that Steve doesn't feel the same and he never willfeel the same because in his eyes, he has already found the love of his life.
That is why he is marrying her and in a few years, they will live happily ever after, in a big house, with two kids and Steve would have forgotten about me. But I don't mind. I don't deserve happiness anyway.
I look towards the clock and let out a deep sigh. Not in relief, but out of slight panic. Now is the time when it all starts and when it all ends, at the same time.
The time when the classic wedding music starts playing and the bride walks down the aisle, to the groom. To Steve. My best friend, that I so happen to be in love with.
But I can't do anything about it now. I'm too late and I definitely don't want to ruin Steve's special day- I instantly get thrown back into reality as I hear loud knocks on my door.
I stand up from my couch and walk to the door. I open it and my eyes widen and my jaw falls to the floor immediately.
Outside my doorstep stands a blonde man in a neatly ironed suit, with sweat accessorizing his look. It is not just any blonde man. It is my blonde man.
It is Steve Rogers, my best friend. I suddenly realize that he is here, when he should be at his wedding and getting married at this very moment.
"Steve.. what are you doing here?!"
"You didn't show up, Bucky. I got really worried something happened to you"
I freeze in my place, trying to process what he just stated. Why does he care if I'm there or not? It won't matter in the end because he is marrying her.
The love of his life, his light in the darkness, his sky full of stars, his other half that will be there for him in his darkest times, his soulmate. I only wish that it was me instead, that I was his.
"But why are you here?! You shouldn't be here, Stevie. You should be marrying your fi-fiancée.."
My voice cracks at the word fiancée because as much as it breaks my heart, it is the truth. He shouldn't be here. Why is he here? He is ruining his own wedding and for what? To make sure I'm okay?
"I'm not marrying her"
"W-what?"
"I'm not marrying her. I don't want to because- because.. it's you, Bucky"
He takes a step closer to me and puts his hands on my flushed cheeks. He looks into my eyes, like he has done every time but this time, this time it is different. There is something about his eyes and the way they sparkle that makes my stomach twist like never before.
My eyes widen as he leans closer to my face. His eyes flickers between my eyes and my lips. I feel my body starting to shake out of fear and confusion, but I don't move from where I'm standing.
When I feel his breath tickling my skin, I close my eyes, and letting his lips touch mine. His lips that I have been craving for, and the feeling that I have been daydreaming oh-so much about is finally becoming real.
When we both pull back, it feels like our lips touched for years but in reality, the kiss only lasted for a few seconds. I open my eyes and instantly meet his deep blue ones.
"You're the one I love. It's always been you, Buck. I was just too dumb to admit it and I was too blind to see it"
He looks right into my soul with his beautiful eyes, at least that is what it feels like. Those eyes always makes me weak in seconds.
"Steve, I want.."
"What do you want, Bucky? Tell me what you want"
"I want you. I want to be with you, to hold you, to love you- I love you, Steve. I do, I love you"
"I love you too, Bucky"
He gives me a bone crushing hug and I swing my legs around his waist. He walks into the apartment and closes the door behind us. It turns out my best friend is not getting married, at least nottoday and at least not to someoneelse.
It turns out he has feelings for me. I can't believe it. My best friend is in love with me, just as much as I'm in love withhim.
And I'm always going to call him my best friend, because that is what he is to me. He is the love of my life and he is mine.
