The Kissing Booth: New Lives

Chapter 4 - Elle

Coming back to LA, I had absolutely no intention of this happening. Even though I kept the promise I made to him, never forgetting him, being with Noah, like this, wasn't something I was considering. Maybe he was? But I had been trying desperately for years to fully get over him. But talking to him again, holding him again, kissing him again, all my resolve seemed to have flown out the window; along with all my progress on the 'Forget Noah Flynn' front.

But I still had concerns...

I understood why Noah made the decisions he did. Why he broke up with me. Why he pushed me away. He was doing it because he loved me. But he said his love for me wasn't enough.

For him or for me?

That was the question I had been grappling with all these years, and I didn't like the answer for that question.

I know I wasn't putting myself first. I was stretched to thin. Ever since my mom died, I had tried to be everything for everyone. Perfect daughter for Dad, maternal figure for Brad, perfect best friend for Lee, and the best girlfriend for Noah. Everyone wanted something from me, whether they knew it or not. And I was drowning.

After Noah and I broke up, and I completely turned my life and plans upside down; June suggested seeing a therapist, to deal with the changes. It had absolutely nothing to do with Noah, and that wasn't why she suggested it. With Linda's arrival, college, being separated from Noah and Lee, June realized some of my choices, behaviors, and fears were actually connected to my mom's passing.

This was a secret between June and me, I didn't want my dad to know, especially because he ended up being part of the problem. I got set up with an amazing therapist, she actually told me I had become an empath in order to bury my feelings, focusing on everyone else and trying to be selfless and perfect was a coping mechanism to deal with my loss. She said my dad had put to much responsibility on me to help raise Brad and keep the house running. This happened a lot with single parents, but it didn't make it right. She allowed me to properly grieve and come up with strategies to help cope.

The reason I kept questioning whether our love was enough for him, was because he hadn't fought for me. Was it more then just wanting me to not change my plans for him? Why didn't he help encourage me? Push me to the right path, not away from him? Was I not worth the effort? We didn't have to be together; he could've just been there as my friend. We could have been more then just birthday texts. And that hurt.

I didn't want to let him in again for him to decide I wasn't enough.

I had put myself back together, picked up the pieces. I had a great job, granted how fast I had been promoted and the responsibilities was getting overwhelming. I went from playing with an old idea to an executive in just over a year. And now I had the only guy I'd ever loved, begging me to give him another chance, talking about changing all his plans for me. I didn't want to let him back in again, for him to say it wasn't enough. But the way it felt to kiss him again, kissing me like that, holding me like that, looking at me like I was the only one in the world.

I'd give him his two weeks, but I had conditions.

"You'll get your two weeks, Noah Flynn."

His smile was electrifying as he crashed him lips back down on mine. They felt like home. He kissed me like he was trying to memorize my mouth, like he had been going through withdraw all these years. His hands felt so right on me, like they belonged there. His kissing began to get frantic again, and as much as I wanted to sink back into him, I had to set some boundaries, ask some questions.