Lily

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I closed my eyes as I collapsed on my bed. Everything was spinning. I needed her. I needed Mary. But she couldn't help me. If she knew the truth she would have to stop herself from killing me.

When we were in our first year of college, on our third "date" Mary had led me to a hidden garden she had found one day. It had orchards and lilies. There was green plant life and other flowers I couldn't name. She led me to a bench she had found and we both had sat down.

"Promise me one thing," she said looking down at her jeans.

"Yeah?" I asked her, bringing her chin up to face me.

"That you'll never cheat on me. If you don't want me, tell me. If you cheat on me, I couldn't find myself to forgive you," she told me, tears streaming down her face. I shook my head, and pressed her head against my chest.

"I wouldn't ever do that," I had said, and at that point I had meant it.

I grabbed one of the pillows and pressed it against my face breathing in the scent of fresh linen. I didn't know what to do. But since I couldn't go to Mary, I decided to go to the only other person who could understand me.

I grabbed my keys and breathed deeply. I sat in my seat in my car, my hands wrapping around the steering wheel, turning my knuckles white. As my nails dug into my palm, I made my decision.

I was going to go visit my mother.

The truth was I hadn't talked to her for a few months now. I couldn't face visiting her without Mary... but this time I had to.

I put the car into reverse, and soon, I was inching onto the Florida highway. The cars, the road, the trees bordering the road, everything, turned into a huge blur. My mind when to a kind of autopilot, like driving was just a sixth sense. My mind slipped away into the memories of my mother.

It was a sunny afternoon, but the invisible cold wind was piercing. I was just coming back from school. High school. Everything had gone wrong. I got kicked off the basketball team, an F on a test in math, and my girlfriend had dumped me, after telling me she cheated on me. I opened the red door, with gold numbers, 341, on it, and breathed in the cinnamon wafting through the air.

"Mom?" I asked out loud. There she was standing, in her skirt and white blouse and a ratty blue apron, looking completely out of place. She glanced up at me, throwing my bag down, and walking up to her in the kitchen.

"Well, I came home early, because we have guests coming over, and I thought that I would cook...there's a girl coming over, who's applying for the same school you are... her family are old friends. You guys used to play together when you were little. Oh I probably should have just gotten take out. Could you finish up for me? God knows your much better at it than me," she spoke, all of it really fast.

"Wait, we have people coming over?" I asked her, looking down at my ratty sneakers and sweaty shirt from practice.

"Yeah," she said vigorously mixing the apples and cinnamon.

"Here, I'll finish up," I told her, washing my hands. I grabbed the spoon from her and added flour and sugar with the apples. Then I poured it in the pie crust she had already made. Then I made the top pie crust and slit some holes in it. Then I placed it in the preheated oven and dusted my hands.

All I could think of the girl my mom had said was coming over. I could remember my mom talking about this one girl who I used to play with forever. I had always shunned these type of stories, because they often left me embarrassed. The girl's name was Mary.

I walked down the pale cement steps down into the gloom that surrounded the air here. I walked past millions and millions of names, hoping that I wouldn't find the one I was searching for. Like she wasn't here. There were small wisps of snow settling on the dry crumbly grass making the air gloomier and colder. I slowed my walk to stroll-like pace, knowing what was lying ahead. I didn't want to see her, but I did need too. With my whole life shattering and falling down, I needed her more than ever.

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