Red, White, And Royal TWO

Chapter 22

"Breaking news coming out of Washington, apparently an explosive has gone off just outside the White House, and both the Capitol and the White House are on lockdown while we await details," said Wolf Blitzer with his panicky "it's a big deal but it's not" tone. CNN was the only live news app Karla Ringer had on her personal phone, and Henry was relieved, because if it were Fox News he could practically hear the champagne popping over Hannity's desk. Out of all the times a terrorist could strike today, he chose now?! Henry thinks but does not say. Henry, of course, is speculating. As Wolf Blitzer said, there were no details other than the fact that there was an explosion outside the White House.

"Hell of a way to take a piss, huh?" Ringer cracked the silence left by CNN with a joke.

"Hm." Henry fake smiled in return. Skank.

"I should call and check on the president," Ringer said, clearly trying to avoid conversing with Henry. And for good reason.

As Secretary Ringer made a bullshit call to the president, aka his boyfriend's mom, Henry can't help but think about how fucked the universe is for creating this cruel, awkward, excruciating situation. It's like something out of a bloody rom com! He's not wrong, either. Innocent boyfriend trapped in a small space for God knows how long with the girl his boyfriend is being seduced by? Alright now, they haven't fucked. Or HAVE they?! Oh, shit.

As Henry begins to internally spiral, he externally sighs and motions to the toilet, intending to sit on the lid. In this motion, he forgets to ask Ringer to slide over so he can move, so he ends up shoving her into the heated towel rack.

"What the fuck," Ringer mutters as she turns around. Ringer didn't like to think of herself as a drama queen, as potential presidents can't be drama queens. But in this instance, she swung her elbow at Henry and jabbed him in the eye.

"OW BITCH!" he responds exasperatedly, and backs into a corner slurring obscenities, that, if coming from a straight guy, would have earned him the label 'misogynist.' Clearly the tension in this West Wing restroom wasn't there because he shoved her. And Henry reminds her of that.

"You Secretary Skank! You kissed my boyfriend and then had the audacity to give me a bloody black eye!" Henry yells. Ringer cools for a quick second.

"Wait, it's bloody? Let me-"

"No it's not bloody! I talk like a Brit you Yankee garbage!"

"Yankee garbage? Bitch cool off. This was ages ago and you can't let it go. Your man has, why can't you? And I'm audacious?! Dumbass you literally just shoved me into a wall!"

"Whore!" Henry shrieks.

"Asshole!" Ringer responds.

Banging on the door.

"Pipe down!" Goddamn Secret Service agents.

Elsewhere in the White House, which is still in lockdown from an explosion, Alex was whisked away from the kitchen into the Oval Office with the rest of the First Family, although his mother is out of sight- being huddled into a circle of Secret Service agents next to the statue of Kennedy, as far away from the backdoor as possible. Jesus Christ. Where the fuck is Henry? The thoughts run through Alex's mind, because it's protocol to isolate the First Family in case of a White House lockdown. In Alex's mind, that includes Henry. But not in the Secret Service's, apparently. Who else was in the White House today? Alex thinks through the White House special announcements and guest list. Unscheduled meeting with the Veep this morning, Annual Doctors Without Borders dinner last night, Cabinet meeting later this afternoon, Israeli prime minister for security meeting, South Korean vice president for dinner tonight.

Who would set an explosive for the Veep? Who would set an explosive for doctors? Especially ones who do their work in warzones for free? Cabinet meeting might make sense, but a little too routine for a symbolic terrorist attack. Can't be that. Israeli prime minister? That's a great target. Symbolic for leftists who hate imperialism, or extremist Muslim groups who just hate Israel. There's also the South Korean vice president, obviously hated by their northern neighbors. But why attack the White House? Seems like a lot of work just for symbolism and pettiness, even for the Supreme Leader.

"Breaking news from Washington, it has been confirmed by the Secret Service that the president and the First Family are safe, and no one inside the White House or the Capitol has been harmed. The details behind the explosion are still unknown at this time, though."

"Never thought I'd be relieved to hear anything come out of that venus fly trap crossbred with a turtle." June said, speaking about Chris Wallace of Fox News. Everyone laughed- even a few chuckles escaped the Secret Service huddle surrounding the president.

"I cannot believe out of the 3,000 people on the White House payroll, I got stuck in a tiny ass bathroom with you miserable monarch!" Ringer exclaimed. We're back to the cat fight in the West Wing restroom.

"You can't keep your hands off my boyfriend, and you're saying I'm the issue here?! Out of the two of us here, I'm not the one throwing my cat at an uninterested head of state's son! Back off!" Henry responded.

"'Throwing my cat'? Who the fuck says that?"

"Who the fuck seduces the heir to the British Empire's boyfriend?!"

"ALL WE DID WAS KISS!"

"I swear to God if this lockdown isn't lifted soon, I'm going to kill you and put your bleeding body in the British Museum with the word 'SKANK' tattooed across your forehead!"

"I cannot believe you just said such a crass and violent thing to a United States Secretary, you spoiled imperial brat!" Ringer responded.

"I cannot believe you said that to a British monarch!"

Click.

Just as suddenly as it had begun, the lockdown lifted. The lock unclicked, and before Henry and Ringer could even leave the bathroom, every Secret Service agent disappeared and every maid got back to cleaning, every Secretary back to advising, and every intern back to fetching coffee. As Henry and Ringer bolted off in opposite directions, the thirty heated minutes spent screaming in the bathroom flashed across each other's minds, forcing a look back and glare from each.

Once all White House staff, Secretaries, vice presidents and foreign heads of state were dismissed for the day an hour following the lockdown, the bones of the First Family- plus Henry- were all that remained in the White House. They and about four hundred Secret Service agents manning the perimeter.

"The lockdown at the White House and the Capitol has been lifted, and as we learn now from the Secret Service and the Department of Homeland Security, the explosion was not a terrorist threat as many had theorized, but merely an engine malfunction in one of the Secret Service cars. It appears the car was left turned on when refueling at the private White House gas station, which is a fire hazard, and the engine exploded, taking the car along with it. Remarkably, no one died on the scene, but the driver is in critical condition at Walter Reed Hospital." Jake Tapper, CNN.