Witches Burn at Dawn ✔

37. Yaroslava

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It's long past midnight.

The apartment is quiet when I walk out of the bathroom, everyone seems to have left while I was trying to wash the sticky burn ointment off my hands. Yet, even after taking a shower and changing my clothes, in a plain wrap dress--finally something different from Polina's pants and sweaters, because I'm tired of dressing up like a modern soldier--and with my hair still wet, I can't stop thinking about Nilam's words.

You'll be a hero tomorrow.

A hero? For killing my best friend?

The door to Mir's room is an inch ajar, but I don't see him there, only the flickering shadows the fireplace casts across the dark wooden floor. I should talk to Mir, Bogdan can't be the killer, right? Not the boy I knew. I should have got it all wrong. And if Dan is the reason I'm dead, then why do others keep hiding things from me?

Why does Adélard pry about my death?

How can Mir know about my and Vlad's past while nobody else seems to know even Vlad's name?

And...where is Vlad Voskresenyev himself?

Pausing by the door, I raise my hand to knock, because that's what polite people do, because the door is unlatched, but not open. Come in if you must, but don't think you are welcome.

You let everyone too close to your heart and expect others to do the same, Tanya's words emerge from the memory. Sometimes people are good to you simply because they want something from you. So use them before they use you, or they'll destroy you.

She was right, I let myself be destroyed. Nothing but a stripped soul in a stranger's body. A stranger to myself.

My knuckles freeze in the air, making no noise. But I tried to stop feeling it all, Sis. I did! And I tried again this time, tried to be the cruel bitch they painted, but... How can I remain unaffected, when Kadri shares her bitterest secret with me? When Nilam trusts me with magic that can kill us all, Ady laughs at my stupid jokes, and Laverna cooks her shitty breakfasts to cheer me up?

The only person who never lets me in is Mir Praejis.

My hand falls. There's no use in knocking on a closed door. After tomorrow, there's no use for me even to stay among the living, because making friends and falling in love only makes it worse when you know you have to give it all up in a year.

I turn around, resolved to keep these few hours till sunrise to myself and--a jar of varenye maybe. I'll read something, or dress up beautifully to remember how joyful small things can be, or just shut my eyes and pretend I can dream. Dream of being a strong girl my sister taught me to be--

"Yaroslava?" My own name startles me. Looking over my shoulder, I see Ady stepping out of the door next to Mir's room, his voice surprised, but his expression amused. "You have no idea how perfect the timing is."

"I thought you left with Kadri," I say.

"I was going to, but...I stopped by, to wish Mir goodnight." His brows draw together mirroring my frown. "Doesn't sound plausible enough?"

"No. And still, no poker face."

He clicks his tongue. "Whatever. I'm tired of you, guys. Just talk."

Behind Ady's back, Mir appears on the threshold of that same room. "Don't forget the word you learned tonight, Ady," Mir says sarcastically. "Might come in handy if you're going on a date."

Ady lets out an annoyed breath. "On second thought, Yara, don't just talk. Kick his ass until he understands that the thing he's trying to say right now"--he raises his voice to sound didactic-- "is thank you for your advice, Adélard." Then Adélard walks down the hall and disappears around the corner. And Mir and I are left face to face. Alone.