Hopeless (Cricky)

I didnt do shit!

He kissed me! He grabbed my collar and fucking kissed me. I heard the door opened as soon as our lips touched making me pull away ready to punch Greg, but someone grabbed my fist. I looked and saw it was Ricky. "Ricky it wasn't what it looked like." I said looking into Ricky's eyes seeing a look of disappointment in them. "The thing is, I knew I shouldn't have let you in so quickly, but I did an that was my mistake." Ricky said grabbing Greg and pulling him out of the closet. When the door closed I put my back against it and slid down. "YOU SHOULD END IT." A voice said in my head. Fuck the voices are back. "Fuck you!" I yelled back in my head jumping up running out the closet and out the school building. Fuck school! I went all the way to my house and saw my mom's car? What the fuck is she doing here? I walked up to the door and saw my mom and dad making out on the couch. I dropped my backpack onto the ground running out of the house to a lake that I found when I got lost trying to find my way to school on Sunday to get used to it. I sat on the dock and sighed and looked up at the sky. Why can't I be a bird? They're so free and can do what ever they want. "Chris?" I heard from behind me. I looked up and saw Ricky. "Ricky!" I yelled jumping up looking at him. "What are you doing here?" He asked his voiced laced with venom. "Im thinking about..." I trailed off at the end thinking about what the voice said at school. End it all. "Thinking about what? How you cheated on me with a scumbag!" He yelled. I flinched and said, "I didn't cheat on you he kissed me as soon as you walked into the closet. I was going to teach him a lesson for messing with me and you." I whispered the last part looking down. "That makes you even more bad than them. I don't date dicks." He said turning around walking away. As soon as he was out of view I took a blade out of my boot. "Hi old friend." I whispered pulling my sleeve up connecting the blade with my wrist. I hissed in pain, but it instantly went numb. I put the blade back after ten more cuts. "Im sorry Grandpa." I said looking up at the sky. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I thought about him. I than thought about how I had to go back home. "Fuck!" I screamed kicking a small rock into the water. I walked home seeing my mom was gone. I walked in the door running straight to my room not even looking at my dad who was yelling my name. I say on my bed sobbing. "I can't give up right now. Maybe in a couple weeks if things don't get better." I said putting my knees to my chest. "IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER STUPID!" The voice yelled. I sighed and put my head on my pillow. I closed my eyes falling into a deep, deep sleep thinking about how fucked up my life is.