The Last Knight

Ch. 21: Love and Gilded Cages

I FINALLY FINISHED THE CHAPTER. Warnings: sexual content, possessive and controlling relationships, fear of abandonment. You know, the usual. 

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He moved his hand from where it cupped your face to the back of your neck, where he laced leather fingers through your hair and tilted your face up to look at him. He kissed you slowly and deeply, as if he wanted to taste you thoroughly. You matched his speed, trying to memorize the feel of his tongue as it explored your mouth. How long had it been since you had tasted him?

You felt a warmth spread across your chest, that invisible pull that had come to comfort you. Did it make you weak that you had given in so quickly? Was it wrong that some intrinsic part of you seemed to know that he'd never wanted to kill you in the first place? Was it wrong that, deep in your heart or wherever this pull was coming from, you knew you'd never stay away from him?

You felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest. The gravity you felt was so strong that you couldn't seem to get close enough. You wanted to melt into him, to feel every beat of his heart against your own. You'd spent time in that cramped cell wondering if everything had been a lie; the way you felt, the way he felt, that tether that pulled you to him no matter the circumstance. If Snoke had truly planned everything and these emotions had been based on a lie, why were you still feeling so vulnerable and raw before him?

You turned your head to the side and took a shallow breath as his lips grazed your cheek. "I thought... I thought Snoke..."

He brought his hand forward to caress the side of your neck, running a thumb along your jawline. "I still feel it too."

You met his eyes, dark and wide as they scanned your face. "If he's really dead, then why?" You tried to step away, but the hand on your arm gripped you tighter.

"He's really dead." He said lowly.

"Then why..."

"I don't know." He admitted. "But I don't care. I just can't... I can't lose you."

You swallowed. "You won't."

"Promise me." He said firmly. Then he added, "Please."

"I promise." You whispered, laying your palm against his cheek.  And maybe it was wrong, that especially after what you'd just been through with Snoke, that you'd promise such a thing. But he'd killed Snoke. He'd actually killed Snoke to get to you. You still couldn't wrap your mind around it. Why would someone do that for you?

I love you too much.

Did Kylo know that the last people who had said they loved you had left you in a frozen tundra to die? Your thoughts were so muddled by sadness and fear and pain. And in that moment, you truly just needed something to latch on to for dear life. And so you repeated, "I promise."

You stood there for a while longer in the bay of the Buzzard, Kylo gripping you so tightly that his fingers dug into your skin. You reveled in the feel of each leather fingerprint on your body though, because that meant that he was real. That you were real and that you had survived and that he somehow had never intended to kill you.

Finally he broke away, saying something about a meeting.

You numbly followed him down the ramp of the ship, suddenly exhausted. Too exhausted to sort through everything that had happened. When you reached the bottom of the ramp, you noticed the other knights standing there waiting for him. Ap'lek raised an eyebrow at you and you shrugged and looked away, not feeling like explaining any of it. Hell, you couldn't really explain it to yourself at this point.