Dreams come true

Chapter 10

Five days. It had been five days since I had dinner with Anna and I still had the bruises left by my own fingers on my knees. My shoulder had improved significantly, but with each passing day, I felt worse.

Sleeping was not an option. All I saw when I closed my eyes was her, and all I remembered dreaming about was her too. Was she never going to leave my dreams? Who was Anna and why had she come into my life? For what? Why invade my dreams, make me fall in love in the most absurd way, and then let me hurt her? Why didn't I think about all that before? Why didn't I have a little self-control? Why did it feel like we were made for each other if we turned out to be incompatible in the end? Why did things have to turn out like this?

It was Sunday. At least I didn't have to go to work and risk causing another accident from lack of sleep. I didn't think they would allow me just one more accident in three days without firing me. Not only was I risking my life, but also putting others in danger. Maybe it was time to ask for a vacation and go somewhere far away to try to forget. However, something told me that distance wasn't gonna solve this kind of illness.

I got into the shower. I tried the hot water to relax a bit and not strain my shoulder more than it already was, but it accentuated my drowsy state, so I reluctantly cooled it down sick of not being able to make anything work as it should. Cold water had never been a problem for me, it woke me up and made me feel vital, but that day, I could only feel it stealing my energy.

Without even getting to soap me up, I got out of the shower, went to my room slamming the door, and, without trying to dry myself first, threw myself on the bed. I couldn't go on like that. That seemed a slow suicide.

Sleepless time had its good side, and I didn't have time to think about Anna before falling asleep. But the world of dreams... that one didn't belong to me: I danced at its mercy, filling my mind with Anna without having how to avoid it. The memory of her smile, her face full of dirt, the blush on her nose, each of her freckles, the small voice with which she whispered my name, and the outbreak of roars with which she deafened the neighborhood when she no longer coordinated enough to pronounce it. I dreamed of her running after a bunch of children, I remembered her consoling one of the little ones, I remembered her throwing her ring angrily and standing up to the one who so much harm did to her.

And I dreamed of myself. I dreamed that I was sheltering her in my arms, that I was losing myself in her hair, that I laughed with her, next to her, that I ran after her and we both fell at the foot of a tree. I dreamed of how a lot of children "stoned" us with newspaper balls no matter which side each one was on. And I dreamed... I dreamed of a child in her arms. I dreamed that I was looking at him with love and tenderness and that I was gently kissing his tiny nose. I dreamed that I was there with them and that there was nothing that could make me happier.

And I woke up. I woke up on the floor, my good shoulder aching from the blow, my hair still damp from the shower failure I had taken, and my cheeks wet from my own tears.

I sat down carefully and made sure I hadn't made a blood puddle anywhere.

"If you don't get dress, you're going to get pneumonia, honey."

"Ma?! What are you doing here?!"

"I've used the key for emergencies."

"There's been no emergency!"

"And that's why you've just been inspecting your forehead and the ground, right?"

"I just fell out of bed."

"What happened, babe?"

My mother sat on my bed while I looked for some clean clothes to wear.

"What are you talking about?"

"You haven't come home since Tuesday. And neither has your girl."

"Anna is not my girl."

"Oh, God, and what do I do with her clothes? I was bringing them to you to return to her. Your father has washed and ironed them with such care..."

My mother offered me a paper bag with Anna's clothes in it. As usual, my father had left the clothes looking like they had just come from the dry cleaners. Perfectly folded, without a single wrinkle, and with its characteristic pine smell. They no longer smelled like Anna.

I burst into tears. Shit, how amazing powers mothers have.

"You know, sweetie? Sometimes it's okay to talk things over with your mother. We can't always help, but we always have a hug for you."

I hugged her without thinking and cried for a long time without saying anything at all. As I cried, I could only think that Anna didn't have her mother's shoulder to cry on.

"Thanks," I murmured when, with a lighter heart and an aching back from embracing such a short woman, I undid the hug.

"What are you afraid of, son?"

"I can't make her happy, ma. I can't make her mother."

"From what I could hear the other day, I would say that both of you are quite clear about the procedure," she said laughing and making me blush up to my ears.

"That's not what I mean."

"I know. Are you afraid of being a father?"

"No. What scares me is to stop being one."

My mother frowned as if trying to understand what I meant.

"She wants to have children one day, and... I would love to. I can't think of anything more wonderful than starting a family with her, but..."

"You are afraid of disappearing and leaving them alone, aren't you?"

I nodded and my mother smiled at me tenderly as she reached out to stroke my head.

"It is so sweet of you to protect your children like this even before they are born, but, I think there is something that you have not realized."

"And what is it?"

"I don't know anyone in the world but you with two mothers, two fathers, seven legitimate siblings, and more than thirty unofficial ones. You feel lonely? Do you think that if you and your woman were missing, your children would be left alone?"

My eyes slowly opened as my mother's words penetrated me.

"Your family loves you. We all love you madly. And your children will be part of this crazy and gigantic family whether you want it or not. I don't know how many years I will be able to enjoy them or how many years you will be able to do the same, but, if something is clear to me, it is that they will never lack love and that they will never, never, ever be alone. In fact, they will probably one day complain about it as you did."

I laughed at her graceful attack and took her hand in mine.

"Love you, ma."

"Don't be afraid to be happy, Kristoff. Don't be afraid to make yours happy. Everything they receive from you now will always be with them."

She wiped my tears away with her plump, warm, motherly hand and kissed me on the cheek.

"And now, please take a shower before knocking me unconscious and go talk to your girl. I bet only you can make her happy right now."

"And I bet I have the best mother in the world."

I gave my mother another quick hug and ran surprisingly recharged of energy into the bathroom where a warm shower awaited me.