Chapter 20.1

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Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
~Neil Gailman

Chapter 20.1
Ryder's POV
I'm not sure how I got there, or how long it took to get there. I didn't even remember actually driving. I remembered grabbing my keys and then everything onward was blank. I had no idea how I made it there but now I was parked in front of a playground, a playground sitting on the corner of Beatrice's neighborhood.

I didn't bother turning off my car, laying against the back of my seat as I stared off into the night sky. Kavinski lives with us.

Behind me, my phone continued to go off, like it had been since I got into the car. I had no motivation to get up, or even move for that matter.

Part of me hoped to see Beatrice walking around the neighborhood just so I could see her but part of me also knew I'd be mortified if she was aware that I was camped out at the corner of her block. It's pathetic, what kind of guy shows up at his ex's place and just sits there. It's borderline creepy. My only defense would be that I could not see her house from here and therefore cannot possibly be stalking her. But I was still sitting in her neighborhood, quite a ways from mine.

Kavinski lives with us.

My entire body felt numb as I counted each star in the sky, the rain pounding on my windshield not as calming as it usually was. I always loved the rain. My dad used to tell me that everything good happens in the rain. I'm fairly certain it was just a trick to program my brain into releasing serotonin every time it rained, but it worked. Beatrice used to laugh at how much I loved it. I'd make her stop everything we were doing, which usually meant interrupting her book, and come stand by the window with me to watch. But I guess none of that matters now that she won't even speak to me.

I rubbed my face, finally moving for the first time in a while, my entire body was locked up and stiff, my bones cracking with every movement.

Kavinski lives with us.

I stared at my cell, which had finally stopped going off, the first time since I got into the car. I picked it up, scrolling through all the messages. I watched as almost every message read Mateo's name. Hundreds of messages and miscalls all from Mateo, mostly asking if I was alive and telling me not to do anything dumb. My eyes landed on a single text from Alexia.

The Girl I Had To Share A Room With For Nine Months: You ok?

I ignored it, scrolling through another chunk of Mateo's messages, ranging from actual sentences, to paragraphs, to just simply single letters in order to get me to answer him. And then there was one that wasn't from Mateo, one that made my breath stop entirely. I read over the words a hundred times, counting every syllable, memorizing every word.

Gorgeous <3: Are you alright? Mateo called, he sounded worried.

Sent two hours ago.

She talked to me. I'd been waiting a month for this and she finally talked to me. I let out a long breath, leaning my head against the back of my seat. She talked to me.

Before I could register what I was doing or how foolish it seemed, I was running out of my car, the rain drenching my clothes but I didn't care. I was knocking on her door in a second, clearly not having thought this plan through because what happens if one of her brothers opens the door. I don't think I can come back from that. And then there was the fact that it was well into the night, so much so that you couldn't see a

I stared at the doorway. I was now covered from the rain under the roof of her porch, quickly making me shiver as my body temperature cooled.

The door swung open. Beatrice stood on the other side, her hair a complete ball of frizz, her eyes swollen, her cheeks tear stained, a phone in hand. She looked like a mess. A cute mess but a mess nonetheless and for a second I wondered what had made her so upset. "He's alright, Mateo," she informed him on the other side of the phone in an almost cold voice, confirming my prior statement that I was a complete imbecile. She looked ready to kill me.

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