May's Workshop Stories

Letter to the One who is Gone

I was listening to some relaxing music, thinking about him, about his eyes. About all the times we spend on the hills, among the daffodils. All the moments that have passed us by, lost in the maze of time.

Why didn't you listen to me? Why did you have to leave?

Every night as the stars burst into view, I think of you, of the brightness shining in your eyes. But also, of the pain that hid behind them.

You were precious to me, but you could never see. You were too busy fighting for your sanity.

I loved you more than words can say, but all you saw was the starry night and the demons of the past. Vincent, why couldn't you see that as much as those stars meant to you, you mean the same and more to me?

You thought we were two strangers crushed under the burden of life, but I could see us as so much more. I could see us suffering together and finding a way to bear all the burden. Together.

Your art always gave me hope, life. Why couldn't it do the same thing to you? Why did you have to leave without ever knowing, without ever seeing the daffodils blossoming in my eyes?

I know how much you suffered. I know how much you tried. Yet, I can't forgive you for failing to see what I was trying to show you. How much I cared for you.

How could you not know that there is always someone who cares? How could you not see I was always there for you?

Did you have to die for us to see what you wanted us to see? Couldn't it have gone differently?

Maybe I could have stopped you. Maybe, I could have said something, showed you that life was worth living.

Yet, I always thought that if anyone could see that, it was you. After all, you are the one who saw the world with different eyes. Winds whispered to you, and colors spoke your name. Couldn't you find the reason to live in them if you couldn't in me?

Now I am all alone, struggling to accept that such a beautiful soul no longer exists. That I will nevermore see another wonderful painting of yours in which you saw not the value which I could always see.

Maybe if we had known each other, if I had dared tell you my name... things could have ended differently, but I am not so sure.

I think the beauty that shone brightly in your heart was just too bright for the darkness that beats like a drum in the hearts of most humans.

I could never see the world through your eyes. Yet, your paintings never failed to take me away on a journey far away from the burdens of everyday life. To whisk me away from worries of meaningless things that could mean the difference between life and death and yet mean nothing at all.

Earning money is a necessity. Yet, when you think about it, what does money mean in the grand scheme of things. Nothing. It is worthless.

Yet, you made me see. You made me feel. I could see into the depths of my own soul. I could grasp who I am, good and bad. It helped me understand what truly mattered. To appreciate the beauty that surrounds us daily: starry nights, flowers that blaze, clouds.

It was only after seeing your art that I could see the colors that were life itself. That sanity is a fragile thing that we should appreciate. You tried to expel all your pain, all your demons. However, hope abandoned you before you could have expelled them out.

One's heart can only blossom if the conditions are right and this world was and still is too cruel for such a gentle soul such is yours. Yet, I hoped then, as I hope now, that the world could be more the way you saw it, that it didn't make amazing souls go insane.

Why do we never listen? Why do we never hear the screams of those whose hearts are begging us for help?

I will never forgive myself that I didn't reveal myself to you. That I never told you the reasons behind why you saw things the way you did. Maybe it would have changed nothing, but perhaps it could have changed everything.

You never saw me because I feared to connect. I was always shrouded in magic. Still, I was always there with you, prepared to share the wonders of both of our worlds.

For you see, we live in the same world, yet humans and fairies see it differently. Our perception of reality is altered by our opinion of what it should be.

However, you, you could see it all. All the possible worlds, realities, perceptions, and beauties. Then you had to go back to the dull world of your birth and listen to people failing to see the beauty of what you did, the genius behind who you were, what you tried to reveal to them.

Yet, you could have lived. You should have found a way. Because death is never the answer. It is the end of beauty, the end of wonder.

And I do wish I could have enjoyed your genius more, but more than anything, I wish I could have seen it coming. That I could have stopped your death even if it meant revealing my true identity to you.

For your life was worth to me more than you'll ever know. Parting with you without even having said goodbye breaks my heart. It makes me wonder about the cruelty of the world, the meaning of life, and the reasoning behind it all.

It makes me question everything that I have ever known, everything that I ever was. For, without you, life lost so much of its color, and it makes me wonder what kind of world have I been left to live in.

I wanted to say this and so much more, but one thing I wish you never to forget.

I love you with all my heart and soul. I will always treasure the beauty that you've made and the beauty that you were.

All the love,

Bellerose Daffodil