Loving You is a Losing Game | PJM

Ch. 39

"Are you okay?" Jimin asked seeing her popping a pill for the third time in a day. The girl nodded but something was off. Her eyes weren't focused, there was subtle but continuous fidgeting. The way she kept on bouncing her leg for several minutes if not hours, Jimin could tell that something was bugging her.

"Hannah" this time he brought his hand up and slightly tapped her shoulder to get her attention and the girl jumped in her seat getting startled by his small action. "What?" she asked confusedly.

"Is something wrong?" He questioned worriedly and she simply used the movement of head to answer him again. Jimin huffed getting up from the couch as he heard his phone ringing, muttering "I'll be right back."

The phone call ended after half an hour because of the long discussion about his upcoming schedule. He entered the living room again only to stop in his tracks seeing the girl absentmindedly staring at the screen of the laptop. His heart broke noticing her gobbling down some snack without even looking at it like it was about to disappear as fat tears rolled down her face.

The expression on her face gave away the idea that she wasn't even aware of her own condition, distractedly typing something on the device, oblivious of Jimin's presence in the room. If that was sad scene then what came next was definitely heart wrenching. He ran towards her watching her blubbering like a child, her whole body shaking, her sobs filling the room and Jimin felt someone was ripping his heart apart.

He was quick to engulf her in his hold, securing her trembling frame in his arms. Drawing imaginary shapes on her back while trying to calm her down, Jimin struggled to lower down her weeping that was getting stronger and louder by the second.

Cupping her face in his hand, he made her look him in the eyes.
"What's wrong ba__'baby'__ Hannah." He smacked himself mentally for almost slipping out the pet name. His voice was laced with concern but the answer was same- a head shake. She kept crying and Jimin did what he could to simmer her down but soon he noticed her breaths getting rapid and unstable producing a wheezing sound. He saw what was approaching and his mind raced 100 miles per hours trying to remember the grounding technique he learned just a few weeks ago. Starting with asking her to take deep breaths, he begged his mind to recall the method.

"Hannah, take deep breaths with me." He said getting her attention. "Can you do it for me please?" He asked pulling the girl closer but not to close to trigger her more. After asking for a few more times she seemed to get the message and started following his breathing pattern.
"Good, keep following me." He whispered softly.

When after repeating the process for 3 or 4 times, her breathing became a bit stable, his brain finally gave in to his pleads giving him the precise method for calming the situation.

"Hannah, can you count 5 things you see?" He questioned stroking her arms up and down slowly.

"I_ can__". She looked helplessly at him.

"For me, can you please count." He said again. "Win_window, I can see__" she looked around scanning the room with hooded eyes. "My laptop, a mug?" Hannah confusedly stated and Jimin nodded encouraging her to go on. "A vase an_and a pillow." She completed and Jimin patted her head like a child.

"Let's count four things you can feel. Should we?" He proceeded towards the next level still holding her close, reading any sign of discomfort on her face.

"Go ahead. I'll count it for you."

"I can feel__" there was a long pause as she tried to be aware of her surroundings. "Couch. I can feel the couch, the__the floor and my feet, they are cold."

"You're doing so well." He praised verbally this time. "Can you tell me three sounds you can hear right now?"

"Huh?" She asked with wide eyes and Jimin was quick to help. "It's okay. It's okay. Take your time."

"The clock. It's ticking, your vo_voice and___I can't hear anything else." She said feeling exhausted and leaned against his shoulder. "It's fine. Two sounds will do just fine." Jimin rubbed her back, asking her again to follow his breathing pattern. She was finally pulling herself together.

"Coffee and your cologne. It smells__ it smells nice." She answered to his question about two smells.

"Good girl. We're almost done."

"Do you want to continue? Just one more thing? Can you count it for me?" He asked running his fingers through her locks feeling her body going almost limp indicating that she was either falling asleep or losing consciousness. To his relief the girl responded yet again by nodding to let him know that she was listening to him.

"There. We're done. You did so well. I'm so proud of you." Jimin admired her by plastering small yet soft kisses on her head whose breathing seemed to get back to normal by now. To him it felt so natural, the way they were together right now, the way his lips had a brain of their own. He wanted to stop after one peck but he was leaving one after another peck without even wanting or maybe it was his subconscious. They remained in the same position until she let out a groan and Jimin was alerted again.

" 'M tired." She whined, her voice coarse because of crying, even uttering a simple sentence hurt.

"Should we take a nap? Hmm?" He suggested knowing that her body was worn out after the recent episode of panic attack.

She hummed in response and Jimin swiftly raised her from the couch and led her to the bedroom.

After tucking her in under the sheets, he attentively sat beside her on the bed, his gaze never leaving her face. He pushed back a few strand of hair, his hand kept lingering on her face and he found himself leaning and gently placed his lips on her forehead.

"You are so strong. I'm proud of you for battling with this all alone but you won't be alone from now on. I'm going to be here with you." He whispered quietly, tenderly brushing his fingers against her skin.