You need HELP. (Tommy Angst)

Screen Time (2)

                                                           (( TW : nothing new i dont think ))








It's all a lie.


It's no more than a lie.

No matter how much you scream it, no matter how much you say it, it's all but a facade.








                                          *:･ﾟ✧

( Back To Reality. )

I take a seat in my chair, and turn on my pc.

It makes a few noises before the screen lights up, what should I do..., I could probably stream or message Will or Tubs. I look over at my discord. I manage to blurt out a sentence. "8 missed messages.."



ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
WilburSoot
                  3:00pm
--- > Hello gremlin
--- >  Wanna play Among us?
--- > We currently need one more person
--- > We will be starting at 3:30 btw :)

WilburSoot
                 6:00pm
--- > Bro
--- > You good?
--- > tommmmyyyy?
--- > Ok tommy 😒 
(read 7:13pm)
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷


Shit, I should've answered. I'm such a bad friend. I'm a stupid loser. He was probably so irritated. I upset Wilbur, my best friend. If only I wasn't a dick and took the time to go online to go check on him. It was only an hour that I could've responded in.
WHY DIDNT I RESPOND. WHY AM I SUCH A FAKE FRIEND.
WHY DIDNT HE DROP ME YET.
WHY DIDNT HE DROP ME YET.
WHY DIDNT HE DROP ME YET.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
TommyInnit
            7:21pm
--- > Sorry will about not responding to your texts!
--- > I was busy with classwork lol,
--- > Or maybe I'm just too cool for you old greasy man 😎😎
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

                                                                   (( anyways ))

I grip onto my hair, feeling the guilt rush to my brain. I don't deserve these friends.
My brain warps itself, it gives me a whole different vibe. I have to punish myself again, I'm not good enough, I have a life people would die for but I waste it here whining. I don't even have trauma, I've just ended up in a state of shit. Am I... faking this? There is more people who have a reason for feeling like shit but... I'm... I'm just a nuisance.

I take the blade out of my closet, mentally preparing for my own decision. 

C'mon Tommy, you aren't a pussy. You aren't a pussy. Just slit your wrist you deserve it. You see the REAL them now. You are finally realizing that they all hate you, and don't want you around. They milk little old Tommy the child for views and money. They DON'T care about you at all. NOT AT ALL.

The voice keeps urging me to dance the blade against my wrists, even after I've made the decision. Why do they make me feel this way... the voice. I'm gonna cut myself leave me alone... just leave me alone.

They are right. I do deserve the pain. I only made them tell me this, because it's the truth, the voice is my voice of REASON. It's my only reason to keep living fairly, I live but have to suffer.

I walk over to the bathroom, looking over to my room reminded that the screen is lit up. My reply can wait, I just need to punish myself first. Just so it's fair and correct. So everything is stable.

I lock the door of the bathroom,

( SH ! )

I suddenly pull out the blade I brought with me.

I blankly stare at it.

This is what you fucking wanted Tommy. You couldn't be happy so you needed it. You pathetic bitch.

I listen to my head, and slowly cut my wrist.

1 cut. 

2.

3.


at a blink of an eye, it suddenly forms to 9 cuts.

Is this.. enough?
I'm so disappointed in myself.
Couldn't go even 1 day clean, because you needed that punishment. It was a punishment Tommy. You fucking loser. They all hate you.

I hold in a sob, so I don't walk out with a red puffy face on display for my mum to see.

I just wanna lay down on the floor of my bathroom, and strike down dead.
I deserve all this for not being happy, and being such a baby.
Why can't I just give someone my life..?
Why can't I give someone who is in poor conditions my career and parents. 
I'm guilty. That's all I am.
A streamer, who puts on a brave face everyday expecting the best.
I can't believe myself.

I notice the tears flowing onto my hands, goddamnit.
I didn't cut myself enough, I just spaced out.

I clean the blood off my arms, looking at each of them sadly knowing the story behind each and everyone of them. Bandaging them up while being reminded.

I tripped and fell.
I felt bad.
I made Tubbo cry on stream. ((as a joke btw))
I upset WIL.

I walk over to my room, carrying my blade alongside me. The door creaks open to the messages I had left after my breakdown.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
WilburSoot
         7:32pm
---> It's alright I guess tommy
---> There is NO way you are better than me, you fuckin lil gremlin
---> You don't need to apologize, there isn't any need
(read 7:50pm)
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

The messages I had left, the stupid blade had distracted me from the same thing I punished myself for, I really am a stupid bitch aren't I. I don't belong here.

The thought flows into my brain, I kind of just wanna.. rest. I don't wanna think anymore. I just wanna enter a dream world. Hopefully something that's not a nightmare. I'm sorry Wilbur. I know I'm pathetic.

I decline my thoughts request to send the message "i'm useless, I'm sorry."
It's true but.. It'd rat me out. After all.


They don't wanna talk to Tom Simons.
The anxious, depressed, fucking sad boy, someone who needs to cut themselves to teach them a lesson, the boy who needed to starve himself to lose the weight he needed to lose.

They wanted to talk to TommyInnit.

The loud, confident, odd sense of humor male who made rude remarks. The boy who acted like he enjoyed everything and pushed others because he couldn't push Tom Simons.

I smirk.

"WHAT IS UP CHAT!!! WELCOME TO TODAYS STREAM, SORRY IF I ACT TIRED LADS I JUST GOT DONE WITH CLASSWORK!"

They just want TommyInnit.
So thats why I took the role.





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WHAT THAT MANY READS?? 88?? TYSM I DIDNT EXPECT THAT MUCH 0_0

A NEW CHAPTER MIGHT COME SOON I HAVE MOTIVATION TO CREATE MORE OF THIS FANFIC
OR IT MIGHT BE LOST IDK :<