@literarylesbian x @crierswar

Chapter 4

POV Crier:

    I groan as I realize that I have school in 6 days and I have spent my summer doing absolutely nothing. I mean I did read quite a lot of lovely books, plus I didn't spend the summer forcing myself to hang out with people that I don't like, like I usually do, so overall I think it was a win.

    Sometimes I think about all the things I could be doing with my time. I mean I'm 17 and I've made a good amount of friends, I've gone to stupid high school parties, I've been to a good amount of places and yet I feel as though I've done nothing.

   I thought I was an extrovert for a long time, maybe I still am and I've just forgotten how to want to do things. But sometimes just the thought of hanging out with people is exhausting, maybe its because of the year that I had to spend alone but maybe its because I've finally realized being alone and being lonely aren't the same thing. 

   I hate to think about all the summer homework I didn't do. I read 32 books this summer and not a single one of them was my required reading book. I should go to the bookstore to pick up the book I'm supposed to read and definitely not any other book. I definitely have the self restraint for that.

    I need to change before I go in case there's a cute sapphic there that wants to fall in love with me. Once I'm in a more presentable outfit I tell my mom where I'm going and hop in my car. I listen to One Direction in the 15 minute drive to my local bookstore. 

    I absolutely love it there, it's quite small but it's a very queer and feminist store that always has a cozy feel to it. It's my little safe spot, I go there when I want to buy books but also when I need to escape for a while, the only person who knows about it is my best friend. They're the one who showed it to me and they work there. 

    The Book Women sign comes into view and I let out  little squeal of excitement. I feel like it's been forever since I last stepped into this store even though it was probably only last week. The bell on the door rings and the single employee working there looks up from behind the counter. 

  "Oh my god hey Fish! I didn't know you were working today."                                                                          "I wasn't supposed to but Avis asked me to take his shift."                                                                              

    While looking around the store for any new book displays I note that Fish and I are the only ones here which means I can be as obnoxious as I want without having to worry about bothering other costumers. 

   "Do ya'll have the summer reading book here?" I can't even remember the name but I know Fish will. They look at me like I'm ridiculous for even asking. 

   "No Crier we don't have that book. Look around you, you need more than one hand to count the amount of pride flags in this store. Of course we don't have that book. And you know that so why are you even asking?" 

  "Because that was the excuse I gave myself and my mom for coming here, so if I go home without it she'll know I'm guilty."

   "I guess you're going to have to hide the books you bring home from you're mom then."

   "How do you know I'll go home with any books?" Fish outright laughs at this. 

   "You have no self control. Now go look for a book, I can see you eyeing the romance section."

   I do end up in the romance section and leave it while holding The Queer Principles Of Kit Webb. I move to the fantasy section and see a book that is always on the shelf. I swear I torture myself walking into this section.

  Sitting on the shelf is special edition copies of Criers War, the exact copy Lit convinced me to buy months ago. My copy at home lives under my bed so I don't have to see it. Lit made me read this book when we first became friends and I loved it, I still love it. I made my accounts username "crierswar" because I loved it so much. I was gonna change my username after what happened, push it under my bed like I did with my copy of the book, but now it's how people see me. 

   I wish I never read that stupid book, I wish I would have kept procrastinating it like Lit kept doing with She-Ra, but because I am such an idiot who wanted to impress them so bad I read it the moment they told me to. I hate them. 

   And now I am sitting in the fantasy section holding back tears over a specific edition of the book. It's fucking pathetic and it's all Lit's fault. 

  ". . . Crier. Crier!" I didn't even realize Fish was calling my name.

 "Yeah?" My voice shakes slightly and I pray that Fish doesn't notice.

  "I- Are you okay?" I purposely put a little too much pep in my voice when I reply.

  "Yeah I'm fine!"