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10

trigger warning: eating disorders and mentions of depression

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On the contrary of what she promised her friends, what Aurora is feeling isn't just a tiny lapse of judgement. To be completely honest she always struggled with her mental health and had issues with her self-esteem for a long time. She just never felt like she was good enough.

Now standing in front of the mirror of her living room and staring at her reflection, Aurora feels like she completely and utterly lost control of her life once again. Just like she did when her family fell apart.

Back then the only sense of control she could gain back was the control over herself and unfortunately it wasn't in a good way. The more she restricted what and how much she ate the more obsessed she got. Counting calories, working out, dropping as much weight as possible... Those things were the main focus of her days instead of things she loved, like music or her friends.

Then one night when she couldn't hold herself together any longer and emptied most of the fridge in one sitting, she felt like the universe just crushed on top of her. She lost herself once again and the only way she could fix it was to undo the mistake she just let to happen. That was the first time she shoved her fingers down her throat, bending over the toilet. A sight she would see countless of times from that day.

The amount of peace and relief she felt once her stomach was completely empty again scared her to death. That's when the thought of being perfect started to plague her mind relentlessly.

It was on a day she visited Tom on the set of Homecoming when her body reached the point where it just couldn't take it any longer and she passed out after simply standing up from the couch of his trailer.

Tom's never been that scared for anyone before. He loved Aurora like a sister, so when he saw her being taken away on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance, he swore to himself that he's never going to let her go through anything like that again. Her heart was so weak from malnutrition that she had to be hospitalized for almost a month.

But with him at her side, Rory was able to admit she needed help and reached out to a professional, starting her long journey of recovery.

Up until this point in her life, she was genuinely doing okay.

Although the sad truth about having an eating disorder is that you can never fully, 100 percent recover from it. You can learn to live with it and prolong the periods of time between relapses, but they are inevitable. The demons in your head are always looming in the background, waiting for you to crack.

So right now, days after joining the bandwagon and constantly hating herself again, Aurora struggles to keep her tears at bay. For the first time in a while she started to enjoy someone's company rather than being alone most of the time.
Filming and spending most of her days with Tom made their new friendship stronger. Even to the point where Rory realized her feelings might go further than friendship, which also scares her to death.

But life has a twisted way of fucking you over when you're happy.

When she thinks about Tom, the first thing that comes to mind is not the way her heart flutters everytime he looks into her eyes or how every touch of his sets her skin on fire, but how he must hate her now because all of the goddamn tabloids are plastered with their faces. She knows he loves his privacy and feels awful for dragging him into this mess, even if it's not her fault.

This feeling of guilt caused Aurora to lock herself away for the past few days, disappearing from the world.

At the same time, Tom sits in his living room, wondering what could be wrong with the blonde haired beauty he can't shake out of his thoughts. The two of them were basically inseparable ever since filming started and suddenly she just cuts him out completely. He's worried to say the least, and afraid the Downey girl might realize their friendship is not worth all this trouble. Even though the term 'friendship' isn't satisfying for him anymore.

Sure, Tom was pissed about the media sticking their nose into a business they had nothing to do with too, but he was more pissed about the way his so called 'fans' dragged Aurora's name into the dirt without any problem.

Stressed about the situation to no end, he couldn't do anything but wait for tomorrow when they have to be back on set to make sure she is okay. Of course, he could go barging into her home to ease his mind but he decided to let her have some time to herself in hopes that it might help.

In the midst of her depressive episode, Aurora also realized she has to be back on set in the morning so she knows she has to pull herself back together, only if it's just a facade.

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Rory throwback to recording and having fun cause rn I'm hella depressed™ 🤡

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