Be the change - N.R

- Pt.5

THIRD PERSON POV:
Everybody was stood there shocked, Natasha especially. Not only had all of them thought she had died, but all of them would have never ever known the cute innocent girl they once knew would turn out to be like this.

Yes before she could fight, but we would've never expected her to just kill people, just kill people without any care in the world. That wasn't her. And that was never ever going to be her. But somehow we still ended up with an assassin.

at the end of the day, all The Avengers were just in a pure state of a mixture of, anger, sadness and guilt.

it was a horrible site, her emotionless eyes. her hair seem to be a bit darker. her body was more slim, not in a good way either. Her eyes also look tired and worn. She had a busted lip. A multiple punch bruises on her fragile hands.

no longer was her eyes filled with innocence and excitement. No longer was her hair glowing with a light gold. no longer did she have these cute chubby cheeks everybody loved. no longer did she look all refreshed.  and no longer did she have porcelain skin.

what had happened..?

J'S POV:

"I- i need to go," I quickly stutter out before doing what I should've done awhile ago. Run.

" oh no you don't" I hear a stern voice behind me say before something pinched my neck. luckily I still have a good tolerance for needles so it didn't make me pass out I just ran out the building as fast as I can feeling a little bit dizzy. That's the thing with hydra you get used to their injections.

NAT'S POV:

"Okay what the fuck just happened, Fury told us she died for a start, which means he lied. She's become a ruthless killer. She clearly is an innocent anymore have you seen the look on her eye she looks tired and angry at the world. Do you know why that probably is? It's probably because we said about her behind her back we act like high schoolers.. have we seen what we have done? I loved her with absolutely everything I ever had. And you guys bullied her to take herself and leave. To be honest think of her situation at the time I would've done the same. And what does that say about you guys? I will say I'm not as innocent as you people think I am 100% but that has no right if you guys to do that. I felt pressured when you had that argument if we should let her stay or go! And I said what I felt right at the time, but no that was not the right thing. And I am sick to my stomach that I only just realise that. I know I'm rambling on, but if you can or just open your fucking eyes for a second. We all messed up drastically. And I will do absolutely everything in my power to try and get her back, not just her from running away. But from what I can tell she has entirely lost herself have you seen the way she's looked back at us. she's practically dead. She reminds me of how I look when I came out of Hydra. So please if you will excuse me I'm going to try find the love of my life, a runaway, a so-called serial killer. And an avenger. And you guys will never change my mind" i rush out on the verge of an emotional outburst.

J'S POV:
that's it, I called it. I was suicidal in my past, and when I was I said the second I saw my true love again I would want to kill myself. It's complicated extremely complicated the matter.

basically when I was in Hydra they try to make us believe love was for children. Make us believe we had no place in the world.

and like hell it worked. I believed every second of it. And you know what I still do, love is for children. And I don't have a place in the world. And it will always be that way, no matter how hard I try I will never be good enough.

so practically given up at this point. The world always seems in slow motion, I always feel high on adrenaline. Nothing scares me anymore, nothing makes me sad anymore, nothing makes me angry anymore.

at the second I start feeling emotions again I hate it. That's the same like after today. I felt every emotion come crashing down on me again.

it's horrible feeling. I don't like it one bit. Are used to like it are used to love feeling happy and in love. Especially with Natalia.

I did truly love her. But I've come to my senses now and I have matured. I realised Love is for kids, and it's certainly not a fairytale from a fairy book.

it's never happy, you're practically just brainwashed. Nothing special. No spark no tingles. Nothing.

I wish true love was real, but it will never be. There was never going to be a right one in the first place I'm not sure why ever tried to look.

same with friendships, they're useless. Friendships only exist to be broken. Friendships only exist to hold together fights. Friendships only exist to show the other person in this so-called friendship, that there gonna turn their back on them at some point.

i've only ever got told a bit of what I've just told you. The rest of it I came to my senses with. The rest of it I've realised was true but I kept telling myself it wasn't.

Ever get away feel super sick. Like so sick
Cross your bed with a bucket next to you. Gagging up stomach acid, that's how it feels to be in love.

i think to myself as I wonder the rooftop of stark industries building.

I look over across the edge to see a beautiful shining lit up city, oh how I would love to just run free with no care in the world through that city. But I cannot.

oh how I would love to just relieve myself of all this pain that I've gathered over the years. All this masking and all this brick walls I've built up over myself.

I close my eyes and listen to the wind rushing past me. Oh how I feel some sort of euphoria . Maybe it's the best if I leave, I've only cause pain and only will.

I shall be much happier gone from this world.

I go to step over the edge.... But if you're a hand grab me until me back.

i'm still looking over the tower and that's when it hits me. Oh my goodness. What the fuck was I thinking.

NAT'S POV:

i was still trying to find Tajana I looked everywhere but stark tower.

then it hit me, oh shit. i mumble my breath.

i run up stark industries running up in and out of the building until i reach the roof top and see her. looking over the edge. the wind was heavy.

what's she doing?..

then i see her take a step forward...

NOT TODAY.

i grab her hand and pull her back and clutch her back into my chest.

"What the fuck Taj, what the fuck where you thinking??"

"i- i need to go.."

no.

"NO, no t, you won't be going yet, I'm not done with your little missy. where the hell did you go for so many years. I'm not letting you go until I have answers."

J'S POV:

shit..