a proposal, of sorts. ✔️

six

Another week slipped away, too fast for me to recognize it. The parlor remained my home, the only respite meetings with my lawyer. I had decided to take up painting once more, and therefore fresh paints and a blank canvas stared up at me from where I was seated. There was nothing like emptiness to cage my mind.

I hear the distant rumble of the front door opening and quick footsteps. Trystan must have come back early — the parlor door swung open hard. "You're married?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I couldn't stop-" my butler tries to cut in, still panting heavily from running after my intruder.

"You're married to Trystan Davenport?"

Rylan stands in front of me, still decked in uniform: a loose-fit button-down yellowed by travel, brown slacks held up by a cracked brown leather belt, and boots to match the belt. Silver strands shimmer in Rylan's black hair, cut shorter than the last time we had met. Grime covers Rylan's cheeks — flushed with anger — a souvenir from the recent voyage. As the child of a pair of pirates and the keeper of an affinity for the seas, Rylan was beholden to only one profession: sailing.

"It's all right Quint. I'll take care of it." My butler nods and leaves quickly, but I keep my gaze on Rylan. "I thought you were coming in on Wednesday." It was only Monday of that week, and the journey was slated to last two entire months.

I'm met with pursed lips. Rylan clearly isn't satisfied with my answer. "The seas favored our return."

I grimace at Rylan's tone: rough and pained. "Do you want anything? Water, a drink?" Something to do while I think.

"No." A curt answer that sinks its claws right into my heart.

"Can we sit? I'll explain everything." A placation; I just want to ease the tension cutting into me.

Rylan keeps a stony expression. "I'll take the explanation standing."

I heave a frustrated sigh and sit down myself, hoping to encourage a trend. There's nothing to do now but to detail the truth.

"As you know, my trust was attached to a set of conditions." I begin with backstory as an attempt to delay saying the words I don't have the strength to relay.

"Yes. And you were looking at loopholes."

I take a deep breath before continuing. "We didn't find any. We ran out of time."

"Bullshit." The word rings through the room.

"It's the truth. Everything fell through. Everything." My voice edges on pleading, my fingers finding my necklace to quell my stomach. Rylan's eyes catch my movement and harden as they lock on my hand.

"Everything? You're the smartest woman I know, and you couldn't figure anything out? Marriage was the only solution? Marriage to the insufferable Trystan Davenport?" Rylan's face was colored a deeper red by the end of the rant. Then, softer: "You wear his ring just as you wear my necklace."

I drop my hand, my finger still restless from the anxiety burrowing down my throat and into my stomach. "I didn't have many choices. I knew I could trust Trystan." The words felt cheap in my mouth, and I knew Rylan could tell.

Still hushed: "And you couldn't trust me?"

The question caught me by the throat. "You wanted to be married to me?"

"How could you even ask that?" Rylan takes the moment to look away, and instead peers into the eyes of my painted cat on the wall to my right.

"I didn't..." I had to look away now too, my eyes trained on the ground instead. "I thought nothing could draw you away from sailing."

Rylan's attention snaps back to me. "You thought I would choose sailing over you?"

"You do. Every time you leave on your next adventure," I respond, spending most of my energy on keeping my voice from wavering. A tear betrays my composure anyways. "I don't want to take your love from you."

"You are my love," Rylan whispers, and I can't help the next tear from spilling over the corner of my eye.

I give Rylan a sad smile in response. "But not your only love."

Rylan doesn't have an answer for that.

Rylan sits, finally, and takes my hand gently. It's warm around my own, and I find comfort in its callouses. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stormed in like that."

"It's okay, I don't blame you," I confess, guilt bubbling into my throat. "This doesn't have to change things. It's not as if Trystan intends on remaining celibate for the rest of his life."

I swear I can see the pain in Rylan's eyes. "Seryn... I don't know if I can do that."

"What?" It comes out strangled and I almost pull my hand away.

"I don't know if I can be with you when you're married."

My heartbeat quickens nauseatingly. "Why? It's not like Trystan and I feel anything for each other." I would never allow myself to feel anything for Trystan Davenport.

"I don't want to be something that you hide. I don't want to be some illicit affair that only exists in shadows and rumors." I want to vomit.

And now I'm left speechless. After a soft caress on the back of my hand, Rylan stands up and moves across the room to the exit. Hand on the doorknob, Rylan looks up at me to say three words that break my heart into shards.

"Goodbye, my love."