Main Character Vibes

Calm the F down

 Elias unlocked the door of his apartment in a combination of competing emotions. He was careworn by both a restless impatience and some budding nervousness. The nervousness of turning over in his mind what he needed to do right after he broke up with Tilly. As well as the restless excitement of the reveries of what he wanted to do right after his two weeks at work would come to a wind-up.

He paused for a few moments before entering the apartment. He was entering his apartment as a prisoner and emerging a free man, a pathfinder, a settler, an explorer.

Elias flicked on the lights that illuminated the silently dim apartment. The place felt so untouched, so abandoned, so friendless.

There was Tilly's stale coffee mug sitting on the kitchen counter since the morning gathering coldness.... the window that overlooked a picturesque scene of High Park. The panoramic beauty of its rain-washed greenery and its yellowing plumes endowed it with an ambiance of a still life painting before motion made it real. But Elias met with a broken smile a drifting habit of taking for granted remarkable things that had long grown stale with repetition.

There was the living room itself, whose walls had always been privy to their conversations. No matter how meagerly short they were and with which rarity they had occurred. There was the sofa that had once harbored a loving couple as one entity in unison, had over the three dreary years slowly carried the lonely silos of two separate lives. There was the queen-sized bed that had once upon a time been a stage for the manifestation of love; now was sitting loveless and had over the three years slowly dwindled into a grave for their sexual lullabies putting their relationship to reticent sleep. Everything suddenly had a feeling of finality to it...a sunset of final disappearance.

It was 7 pm and Tilly's arrival was imminent. Elias made his way to the bedroom. He deliberately did not want to touch anything on his way. There was an irrational fear of being ensnared by the inanimate things that filled the apartment. It was as if all of the inanimate furniture and objects that he was surrounded by, would upon the faintest touch, mutate into Venus flytraps that would clinch him and subdue his tenacity of spirit. Now feeling like a free spirit, a wild thing, Elias was afraid of the things that had once caged him.

Elias began to uneasily prepare a duffle bag filled with a light change of clothes and essential toiletries: clean pairs of boxer shorts, a handful of pairs of socks, business casual outfits to sustain him throughout the week, a stick of deodorant, his electric toothbrush, and his shaving equipment.

All in all, it took less than fifteen minutes to prepare the necessities of his emancipation. Just fifteen minutes.

Elias came out of the bedroom sat on the sofa and placed the bag in front of him on the coffee table. But his overthinking mind prompted him to reconsider its location. It was not a strategic site.

It would be too much of a shock for Tilly to come home and, upon entering, find him already packed. It would be too much of a blow to her conscience. Too bold a gesture that would render any ensuing conversation unnecessary. Besides, Elias had many things that he wanted to say to her.

After careful reevaluation, he decided to stow away the duffle bag out of view behind the kitchen counter. Elias began to nervously fiddle with his fingers and to incessantly tap his foot.

Despite his sincerest efforts, Elias's escapist mind resisted being calmed back into settling in the awkward present. It felt shackled to an uncomfortable present that was suddenly intolerably suffocating. It was difficult to be in the moment of a present he wanted to escape.

Finally, he gave in. He turned on the television to whatever Netflix had first on "Continue Watching" and set it to an unintelligible volume. Just a smidge over inaudibility. The white noise added the geniality of companionship for him to feel comfortable enough to embrace this solitary confinement for just a few more hours.