The Violet Hour (X-Men AU)

27: Dream Girl

     My dream was odd that night after we kissed. Not symbolic in any sort of way, it was, of course, just a dream, but it wasn't from my point of view. It was like watching a movie. It included Sylvia, which made sense, Peter, which also made sense, but what didn't make sense was the idea of releasing loose a sun god who was actually trying to scorch the earth. It wasn't a very pleasant dream, in fact, it was glum and a little nightmarish, but that didn't matter, it was all in my head anyway. Waking up was a good thing. 

      This particular morning, I woke up next to Peter and I wasn't ashamed of the way we were so close. I was beside him, his arm was out and bent down at the elbow and I was between his forearm and torso, not touching him, but yes, against him. It wasn't new to be close, but it was new to accept it was okay. I wasn't scared that I was invading his space because I knew he wanted me in his space. He had for so long... for so fucking long and I had little to no idea.

     To me, that was mind-boggling. To like me for that long and have to deal with every flirting attempt being taken as friendly banter. But what truly boggled me was the fact I liked him the same way for the same amount of time and didn't even recognize it until recently. I barely could handle the short amount of time that I knew I liked him and he'd lasted months with me. 

       "Morning," he said, rubbing his eyes. "Oh fuck, did we sleep here?" He looked around. We were under the willow tree still, on the same blankets. I did not want to think about how many spiders had crawled down my throat while I slept.

        "Appears so," I replied, sitting up and gathering my hair in preparation for a ponytail but then I recalled the fact I'd ripped my last tie in a frantic need to wash the blood from my hair. That reminded me I was in pain, so the pain in my face started up again and I let out a low hiss. Peter didn't seem happy to still be here, but I was perfectly fine. "Should we go home? Say it was a quick camping trip and blame my bruise on a tetherball?"

        "Not yet." He answered, eyes upward. Looking at him in the morning was like seeing in light leaks. The morning light seeped through the trees, through the willow strands and he looked tired but neutral. I, on the other hand, was entirely content because of the events of last night. It didn't even seem real anymore, I couldn't believe I'd actually kissed someone, I'd had my first kiss ever last night. Peter in attitude, though, was more neutral than I'd have liked him to be.

      "Are you okay?" I asked, just to make sure he was. There was a strange sense of insecurity in my words and I could probably assume it was rooted in the fact somewhere in the back of my mind, I was thinking maybe he regret it. Everything. 

       "Mhm, I'm still half asleep and- you know how some dreams are so good you don't want to leave?" He rubbed his eyes, then his nose bridge, then his jaw, "I had a really good dream."

        "I dreamt about a sun god causing a very hot apocalypse," I replied, smiling, but really not wanting to smile. He didn't mention anything else, but he seemed fine with that reason he gave. He left a good dream too soon, that would obviously put someone on the wrong side of the bed in the morning. My thoughts, though, did not seem to accept that reasoning. Did the kissing even need to be mentioned? Was it just me and my inexperience that pushed it to the front of my mind whereas, with him, it was casual? 

       Was I casual to him? He didn't ask me to date him, he didn't ask to go out with me properly at all.  Another pang of insecurity shot through me and I bit my lower lip into my mouth, suddenly feeling very cold. Oh my god, what if this was nothing? It couldn't be, it couldn't...

       "We can go home though," he spoke up again, his voice genuine. "You're not looking so good." He gestured to my face and I assumed he wasn't talking about the bruise. He could see my emotion, my worst thoughts, my unsure feelings.