The Violet Hour (X-Men AU)

28: Chaos Eve

I finally got my chance to look into the mirror at the damage to my face. Lights off in my room so that it would be cooler, darker, so that I could think straight. Peter, unfortunately, begrudgingly wanted to go home and that was fine, I think we both needed a little time to process everything individually. I, however, was saving thinking about that for later. 

        The bruise wasn't all that great to see. It was purple-ish now, pink near the edges. It was on my cheekbone, where I felt it hurt the most, in a sort of pulsing pain. The kind of bruise you'd look at on another person and say, 'shit, wonder what happened to them!'. Pretty bad, but it wasn't swelling. I expected it might have swelled and then died down overnight, so lucky me. With luck, it would be gone in a week and a half. I'd just have to ice it in the meantime. 

      I didn't even want to comprehend or acknowledge how I got it. Punched in the face by a grown man. I guess it was for the greater good, but to be honest we never really found out the full story from Hank, Charles, Sylvia, or Logan.

      To be entirely honest it was deciding whether or not it was something worth remembering or if I should block it out of my brain entirely. The power I emit that day was incredulous, but the doing was illegal and could take my life away from me. If I was ever identified, I faced jail time and the loss of education, potential future jobs, etcetera.  What I couldn't selectively forget were the people. The look on their faces when my powers burst outward was burned into my mind. Of course, I couldn't even try to forget Sylvia, her personality, how much she teased and how much I secretly loved it and already found that my life was now lacking her presence. Even if she was... eccentric and troublesome.

      I couldn't risk being not myself and blurting it out. Maybe when drunk, or under some influence. Maybe medication or a spell of some sort. If I didn't remember it, that wouldn't happen, right?

       Like I had recalled before, this event, all of these events had now become part of my life story. Imagine what might have happened if I never met Peter? I'd be alone still, working all summer, I'd never have met Sylvia. Peter changed everything and now he and I were finally able to stop the denial. All these new things were so exciting, but I couldn't tell anyone but the people I was with, which was ultimately frustrating because I couldn't trust myself to write it down and keep it hidden. 

    And I did think more about it all later, not just that, but more Peter. I'm sure a part of my brain had accidentally dedicated itself to him because he was on my mind far more than he should have been. If this all went right, I'd be someone's girlfriend, which was both utterly terrifying and magnificent at the same time. 

    Pros, cons, weighing themselves out constantly. I didn't even know if this was a valid way to sort thoughts about him, but I sat at my vanity, pen tapping quickly. The list was so easy to read from a biased mind, it was hard to figure out if I was leaning toward yes or no. 

Pros: 

- I've liked him forever 

- No more hiding

- First relationship

- He makes me happy and feel like myself

- Hands

- He's pretty 🖤

Cons: 

- What if it doesn't work out? 

- What if I'm not the right person to be his girlfriend? 

- What if he loses interest and I don't see it coming?