Fishnets and Trash Bag Skirts

Tarantula

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Lana shrieked. 

"Good morning to you, too, " I quipped, going to find what made her scream like that.

"There is a huge fucking spider.  Like, Texas-sized. I think it's a fucking tarantula."

I took a good look at the spider. "Hmm, Snoo thinks so."

"I'm gonna faint! Quick! Kill it, or get rid of it! That thing is looking at me!"

"Will you sex Snoo then?"

"No."

"Then Snoo leave you with spider."

"Snoo, no! Please," she begged.

I sighed. "Fine, Snoo help.". I took one look at that spider and my heart dropped into my stomach. A cold sweat fell upon me and I was quaking. That beast  was staring into my soul!

"Hey, you okay, big guy?"

"Ummm.... Snoo fine. He pick up spider now," I said through clenched teeth. I bent down to pick up the spider, but the fucker bit me. "AH, GOTTVERDAMMT!"

Lana ran out of the room abruptly upon seeing the wound.

"Damn you, sexy lady! You are coward!"

"And I'm not the one with a spider bite," she called from the living room.

"Ja, but Snoo brave and sexier, unlike y-," then I passed out.