Unrequited Love | wlw

I

~ ö ~

It has been three years pass since what happened between me and sister Catherine. That didn't erase my memory of her, it's still fresh, every time I close my eyes. Some people said that I am the extraordinarily spoiled brat that the convent had.

Everyone knew, about my wicked deeds. Those scandalous acts with these nuns inside the convent. I can't help myself not to be curious about them. They were so beautiful the way they speak to me, they were so sweet and gentle, they were all very friendly.

I guess I am a kid that time who happens it was the Mother Superior's adopted child, that sounds fueled everything's up and that idea amused by me. Mother Superior nurtured also took care of and looked after me when I was a baby.

I never thought and realized how stupid I was and also being insensitive, childish towards these nuns not even care the reputation give Mother superior. I sometimes got up in the middle of the night, having nightmares of voices that I've heard who tormented what I have done.

Not only that but I was tricked by the time, I thought it will all pass and people may forget. Likewise, I thought I would be completely felt good after all these years, for what I have done. I was wrong, as long as those witnesses are still alive. I will still be haunted, tormented by my mistakes. Those people who witness will never be deaf and never become mute, it will linger on me the way they see me. Until I find myself staring nowhere, whispering I am sorry…

I can't deny the fact that every corner of the convent if these walls have mouth and lips or even faces. I am pretty convinced that they also might include mocking, laughing and teasing me of my naughty deeds. Everyone knew even if many years has been pass.

All I wanted to ask is why they tormented me this way? Are they all saints for the rest of their lives?

They are still humans just like me, who still commit sins. They shouldn't act like a saint because they are living in a physical body and form. All I knew is that the idea of being a saint is the one I saw in the altars moulded by a statue of the saint.

I am aware that there are few people, who discreetly laugh and mock having stories with me. What they have vouched, it'll never fade. I even heard a few gossips between me and sister Catherine. I have even been bullied inside the convent those same ages like me, I just let them and ignore them. Not only that, but I won't solve an issue using another top issue, or else I'm in such big trouble.

I'd rather keep my silence at the corner, suppressing myself. Battling myself own self demons than opposing with those others, then we are no longer different from each other I won't stoop to that level. No matter how I fought for myself, still useless I'm like talking under the water, no one seems to understand me fully.

~ ô ~

It's almost lunch break, I was compelled to transport several books going to our main library. I must say there are so heavy literally, these books were too big and old. Even the echo of my footsteps down the hallways says much, those big steps as I carry. Until I stopped in the front huge shiny wooden door with an arch design on top, that it almost reached and kissed the high ceiling.

The place for the nuns was like a castle not like grandiose ones but on the first glimpse, it's an old castle, where I grew up with various ruins big stones and big chunks of blocks. Because of the spacious place, whoever walks in is a hundred percent noticed or might you noticed you jump into a loop hole got yourself a time traveling. The walls are old echoing, especially the chirping of those birds makes my heart warm, they were fun to listen to, they sounded pleased too.