I Have Loved You

Chapter 5 - Homecoming

"Some danced to remember. Some danced to forget." My love, I danced for both.

Days after her revelation Zara avoided any part of school where she might run into Nathaniel. Every whisper landed in the well of her insecurity. She was certain that they were talking about her. The Darlings spilled the tea everywhere they had the chance. She was sure of it. 

And how does she know? The one time she left her guard down she decided to walk past the cafeteria.  Nathaniel stood in the center with his lunch bag, the food in the cafeteria was anything but kosher, and he was surrounded by the Darlings. The were fawning all over him, touching his sweater with cloying sweetness. 

The dream she had was over. Nathanial had turned, and the Darlings claimed him for their own. She might as well admit it now and avoid the pain of real rejection. She went in search for her sister, who was at that moment in the Library studying. 

Liam's emotional rescue in the baseball dugout shifted something in their relationship. It shifted her relationship with her sister as well. It was Liam, not Maria, who found her. It didn't change the fact that it was her sister, not Liam, she searched to find now. She still couldn't face him, and his sympathy. Receiving no sympathy from Maria was far more welcome. 

When she spotted her sister, she found her sitting dead center of the library, alone. The table easily fit ten people, but she took up the surface with all her books and papers. They were spread in every direction. Other than Maria, the Library was virtually empty. There was no point asking her to move to a remote corner. 

Maria's head ping ponged between her notes and the computer. She had a laser focus Zara didn't understand. She could shut out everything around here. It made her sad to think there was a world her sister lived in that she would never know. The mind was a funny place. 

"Maria?"

"Hmm." She barely looked up, barely registered that Zara was standing in front of her. 

'Never mind," she mumbled, taking the chair opposite Maria. She pulled the contents of her lunch out of the bag. It consisted of a scone, hummus and pita chips, and baggie of fresh uncut strawberries. 

She took her time eating each of the strawberries, trying to focus on anything but knots in her stomach. She'd been downing Tums ever since her confession spewing on Nathaniel. The little seeds of the strawberries felt funny on her tongue, and the fruit was more tart than sweet. Concentrate on that.

Sucking on one strawberry, she observed a lull in her sister's typing. This was her opportunity. She would give this Liam thing another chance. Maybe her sister needed someone like that in her life. 

"Maria, why won't you give Liam a chance? It's one dinner, one date. You have to eat, and I'm sure he'll pay?"

This feeling of generosity was towards Liam more than her sister, but maybe it would work in her favor, if her sister would lighten up a bit more. Besides, if she couldn't have a future with Nathanial, that shouldn't stop her sister from having a chance with Liam.

"Zara, you made me lose my train of thought." She pulled one of the heavier books towards her, something related to trigonometry, and opened to a random page, then began flipping frantically until she found what she needed.

She held her finger on the page, "You know, you should really try?" She switched back to reading the book, and typing on the laptop. The conversation was over as far as she was concerned.