I Have Loved You

Chapter 1 - First Second Impressions

I have loved you with everything. I have loved you with the wholeness of my self. I have loved you thoroughly, completely, distractedly. Do you know my name?

PRESENT DAY

Comparisons are a deadly game. They destroy the dreams of the players, and one by one sink them into the shadows of their own life. Zara was currently vying for the highest score.

Maria, her alarmingly beautiful sister, played the game without meaning to play. She volleyed her words, "You really should dress like you care. You can't wear sweatshirts and messy buns all the time. At least try to put in the effort."

After such a comment, Zara would inevitably look down at her cream colored Hilton Head sweatshirt, with its strawberry pink ice cream stain and all, and recognize that maybe her sister had a point. Zara saw herself through her sister's eyes, a sloppier version like a second season spin-off. You watched it because of the commitment to the better seasons, the original show, but slowly gave up after a couple episodes. 

 A new season began, and the alarm on the nightstand flashed 5:45 am. Zara eyes fluttered open. She shielded them against the glare of every light turned on in the bedroom she shared with her sister.

Maria was already awake. Zara, through blurred and crusted vision, watched her as she applied her makeup in the mirror above their dresser. "Why do you insist on getting up early every morning?" She groaned and threw herself face down into the pillow, trying to shut out the light.

Maria was a notoriously early riser. Zara was not. It didn't help that it was her first day of junior year, and her sister's senior year. With only one bathroom, early was a necessity for one of them, Zara's belief was in the science of timing. She justified her lateness as a duty to her sister.

Maria continued to put on her makeup. Zara tossed in her bed with dramatic emphasis. Maria ignored her.

Zara didn't have the same motivation as her sister. School wasn't her main focus in life. This year was the pressure year, all tests and decisions. She didn't want to disappoint her parents, but at least her sister would make them proud.

She perked up when remembered one reason, one person to look forward to seeing today. It was just the motivation she needed. She thrust her comforter onto the floor. One periphery glance around the room and she cringed. Her side of the room was teaming with clothes half out of the dresser, over the chair. Empty La Croix were strewn throughout.

She stretched her arms, arched her back, and ensconced herself in the bed's comforter. Her momentary motivation was waning. "I don't want to get up."

Maria applied her favorite, and much used red lipstick, "bombshell," without comment, focusing on her cupid's bow. Zara watched her flawlessly beautiful sister with a pang of jealousy. The name of the lipstick might as well describe her.

She turned away and her eyes fell on the outfit she and her sister picked the night before. It was stacked on top of the dresser, folded, and neat. She had a reluctant sort of gratitude towards Maria. She was the one who insisted they pick out their outfits last night.

They put on a fashion show and voted on the best outfit. Her's was a pair of jeans, and cream lace top over a baby pink cami. She added to it her small cross necklace, and small pearl stud earrings. It was practical with a romantic flair.

Zara jumped into the shower. The water started off hot, a bad sign. She knew she lost the hot water battle. Almost as soon as she realized it she could feel the water getting cold. In a house of six it was a risk to wake up later than everyone else. She knew this, but still took the risk every morning. Love was a sacrifice, and she loved sleep.