Third Time's The Charm

Chapter 3

Maya helped me to the car and made sure I was situated before getting in herself. We drove in silence before pulling up to one of my favorite restaurants. I looked at Maya with a confused gaze, " I just want to make sure you eat something before I have to get back to the station," she said as she stroked my cheek with the back of her hand, wiping away any leftover tears.

I smiled weakly and nodded at her. I stared down at the dandelion in my hand twirling it around. Who knew that such a small gesture could mean so much. I laid my head against the car window and let my thoughts carry me away, unable to get the little boy's smiling face out of my head. He shared so many features with Maya and I. His dark brown hair and warm colored skin strongly resembled mine, and his deep blue eyes along with his mischievous yet loving smile just like Maya's. I allowed my mind to run wild thinking about him, creating a future for Maya and I that included the little bambino. My eyes started to feel heavy and next thing I knew I was asleep. I woke up on our couch to the feeling of Maya running her fingers through my hair.

"What happened, Carina?" That was the most she had said in weeks.

"I don't know. I couldn't control it..." she noticed me getting worked up again so she wrapped her arms around me. I started to explain the anger I felt for not being able to move past what had happened. That no matter how hard I tried I couldn't overcome the grief that was currently suffocating me. I began to hyperventilate again, this time sending me into a violent coughing fit. I quickly got up and ran into the hallway bathroom, throwing my head over the toilet and emptying my stomach. Maya ran in after me and pulled my hair out of my face while running her free hand down my back, trying to provide some comfort. She waited until we were both sure I wasn't going to be sick again, "Here, why don't you go lay down for a bit?" she said as she outstretched both her hands for me to take.

We made our way to our bedroom and I crawled into bed, sinking into the soft feather pillows. Maya grabbed my favorite blanket, throwing it over me before placing a soft kiss on my forehead, "I'll grab you a glass of water and call the station really quick. I'm gonna let Andy know I'm not coming back today."

She turned and started heading toward the door. I stopped her, lacing her fingers with mine, "No Maya. I can't let you do that. You've missed so much work for me already, I can't let you miss anymore." She let go of my hand and turned to continue her way out of the bedroom.

"It's not just for you," she replied icily. She was still so distant. Almost as if she was starting to give up on me. She had been there for me through the whole thing, always holding me up, but not once had I been able to reciprocate that for her. I tried, I really did, but I was just so broken. It scared me to think that some time in the near future not only would I be mourning the loss of my baby but the loss of my wife as well.

Maya made her way back into the bedroom holding a glass of water in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. She placed them on my bedside table and made her way to the other side of the bed. I rolled over into her chest and hugged her tightly, never wanting to let go. Never wanting to lose her. She started running her fingers through my hair again as I took in her scent and focused on the sound of her heart. My eyes began to shut. I was finally giving into sleep only to be awakened by Maya's loud sigh.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Why are you sorry?" Maya lifted my chin up so I was now looking at her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. Well, I'm sorry I'm not good enough," I responded as tears began to fill my eyes once again. She squeezed me a little tighter pushing my head into her chest with her other hand.

"Baby, you are perfect. Don't you ever begin to think you are not good enough. What happened to us was not your fault. You did everything perfectly. If anyone here has to apologize, it's me. I'm sorry Carina. I'm sorry I've been such an asshole. I'm sorry I haven't had the courage to say more than three words to you. I am so, so sorry I have left you alone. I am especially sorry that I couldn't protect our baby," she said, her voice beginning to crack.