Coffee and Cigarettes and Everything in Between

Sixteen

Karina

The drive back to my place was quiet. It's the kind of silence that you wanna get rid of once you notice it but don't know how. The kind of silence where you don't know where it even originated from.

It has been a while since she pulled up outside my place but she didn't made a move of opening my door or opening her mouth for that matter. She didn't even move at all except for the rise and fall of her chest indicating that she's still breathing. Her eyes are fixed on the road ahead, her hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.

It has never been my forté to beat around the bush. I think it's a waste of time. I ask her directly not wanting to endure another second of silence anymore. "Is there something wrong?"

For the first time tonight she looks at me. The expression on her face is something I can't read. Something that I've never seen from her before. She didn't say anything. She stares at me with that expression of hers, unmoving. She looks back on the road ahead of us.

She sighs, a heavy one that it fills the car. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" I ask back. She was the one who was mum the whole time over dinner and here she is giving me the silent treatment for the reason God knows what.

Silence.

I hate the way she isn't responding. A thousand things to talk about and here she is finding the empty road the most interesting of them all. I let out a sigh trying to keep myself calm. "Just in case you forgot, your girlfriend is a barista and not a mind reader Winter."

She scoffs. "Obviously."

What the hell? I wanted to say but I didn't. I'm beat up from my shift today and I still got to go to work tomorrow by noon and fighting with her is the last thing I needed right now. But aren't you fighting already? A voice pops in my head.

I look at her again, she's now looking at the window, her face away from me. Her left arm resting on the car's door, the other is still on the steering wheel.

I hate this situation right now. I'd rather have talkative Winter back. I'd rather have her shout at me for whatever reason I did to make her go silent like this. I'd rather have her tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.

I reached for her arm that's resting on the steering wheel. Thankfully she didn't brush me off. "Did I do something wrong?"

She turns to me, her face stoic. "Shouldn't you know it if you did something wrong?" She says in a flat voice.

I let go of her arm. I rub my temple in annoyance. I can't reason with her anymore. "My patience is running thin Winter."

"Then go." she says sharply. I don't have to be told twice. I grab my purse and I'm out the door not sparing her a glance. I was never the type to beg and I guess, I still am.

I'm already on my third stick for the night. Sitting by the balcony with my cigarette on my right hand, a beer on the other. As I take another drag, I thought of the last words Winter said to me tonight, then go.

Holding my breath and holding the smoke in my mouth, I let her words sink in, then go.

I let her words swirl and twist around just like the smoke in my mouth, tasting it, taking it in. Feeling my lungs on fire, begging for air, I swallowed the smoke just like the way I took in her words earlier but unlike her words the smoke didn't sting. Breathing out the smoke through my nose, I watch it disperse into thin air until it vanishes unlike my feelings for her which stayed inside my system, spreading across my chest.

She isn't like my smoke that's easy to take in and easy to take out. She's more of her drink, coffee. You slowly take her in, little by little until you can drink her all up. She doesn't go away easily. Instead she eases her way in through your body. Casually sitting in your days until she becomes a part of your routine. She's a sense of awakening, a crave filler, a late night company type of drink. You don't care if she keeps you up at night, you still take her in because you've become accustomed to her. You've grown fond of the warm feeling that fills your chest whenever she's around. And just like coffee, you won't like it when its gone cold.

My phone rings. The screen reads Giselle. I would be lying to myself if I say that reading her bestfriend's name across my phone instead of Winter didn't disappoint me.

"Hey Karina?" She started. Her voice sounded like she's testing my name. "What's up Giselle." I casually answer back.

"Sorry for bothering you this late at night..." Pulling away my phone from my ear, I check the time after hearing her words. 11:53 PM the clock reads.

"...I just wanna know. I'm.." she continues which made me press my phone back against my ear. "Can you repeat that Giselle? Sorry I didn't catch your words."

She sounds worried. "Oh okay. I just wanted to ask you if you're still with Winter? She isn't home yet and she hasn't texted me either." I look at my phone clock again. It's almost midnight.

"She drove me home by around 9:30 and that's it. She hasn't texted me since then." I hear her take a sigh over the phone, I knew it, she muttered under her breath but I'm still able to hear it. "Do you need help on finding her?" I say offering my help. Instead of answering my question she ask me again. "She really hasn't texted or called you or anything?" Standing up from my chair I make my way inside my room and look around for a jacket preparing to go outside. "No, she has not. Should we report or what?" I tell her as I finally find my hoodie.

"No, it's good I guess. She just probably drove back to her studio." She says stopping me in my tracks, car keys in hand. "Are you sure?" I ask her again. She lets out a heavy sigh so loud that I'm able to hear it through the phone. "Yes. She'll probably text back tomorrow morning." It took me a lot to not ask her again if she's really sure that Winter is fine.

I don't want her to feel that I don't trust her words, it's just that I also want to make sure that Winter is safe. I held back my words. This is Giselle, I told myself. Her bestfriend since they were little, she knows her best. And if she says Winter will be okay then I believe her.

I sit on my bed, throwing the car keys on it. "Okay. I'll try calling her too." I thought she's about to hang up but she didn't. "Karina? Please be patient with Winter." She says, her voice sounds like she's trying to hold back tears.

Lying down on my bed, staring at the ceiling I answered her, my only answer at the moment, "I'm trying".