Coffee and Cigarettes and Everything in Between

Twenty

Winter

I woke up feeling a bit nauseated. I wasn't able to sleep much over the weekend. Time seems to pass by much more slowly without Karina here. Or is it that I just got used to her being here that even a day of not seeing her feels like an eternity already? Whatever the answer is it still doesn't hide the fact that sleep wasn't on my side these past few days.
There was this unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach which kept me awake despite of the ungodly hour. It certainly didn't help that she weren't able to contact me in any form and the fact that she was with blondie and his friends whom I didn't know.

Am I too clingy? It's only been three days yet I miss her already. Am I too needy? I wasn't able to do anything for the past two days. I tried painting but the thought of her lingers at the back of my mind that I can't start anything as much as a stroke of line.

How are you doing? Are they treating Karina well there? Endless questions and possibilities strike my mind every second that I'm almost starting to lose it. My thoughts, my mind eating me up.

I'm not going anywhere...

Her voice started to ring in my ears every time just when I'm about to succumb to my insecurities, my doubts, my thoughts.

I'm not going anywhere...

Her words that I held onto when she kissed me goodbye as she leave for her trip.

I'm not going anywhere...

Her words that served as my reminder that she'll come back to me every single time.

Giselle suggested for me to go out and roam around the city. She said that spending my time laying down on the couch wouldn't do me any good. I can't have her worrying over me. The final reading of her case is in two days. She's worked hard for over two months  already so I picked my butt up and went for the door.

I decided to went to the mall but it was just too huge of a place to wander around that I eventually hit the exit. I started to walk around until I ended up in the park. The very first place I took Karina for our first ever date. It's Monday so not a lot of people are present. Mostly adults walking their pets around and a few bystanders filled the area.

As I bask in the afternoon sunlight I suddenly remembered our first date She was so beautiful with the sun behind her, cigarette in hand. While I was so nervous back then as I finally got to take her out on a date. How long has it been since then? More or less eight months? I'm not sure. Time seems to fly whenever I'm with Karina.

"Winter?" A voice called out taking me out of my reverie. I looked around trying to find where it came from when it suddenly called again. "Winter? It is you!" The voice said as it's owner sat down beside me. Ningning. That's why it sounded so familiar.

"Hi." I meekly greeted. She's still her same cheery self which I'm thankful for because I was never great at holding or starting conversations except when it comes to Giselle and Karina. "What are you doing here?"

"Giselle told me to get out of the apartment and get some fresh air."

"You're probably missing Karina unnie huh?"

"Yeah." I drag along my response not really knowing what to say next.

She sighs as she relax on the bench. "I know. Me too. I don't have anyone to go shopping with so I decided to walk around to pass time since I'm not in the mood to go home yet so here I am." Her words made me smile. Ningning and her shopping habits and apparently I'm not the only one missing Karina.