Kingsblade

Chapter 37 - What Was Before

"The others will be waiting for you to begin planning." Adeniyi's tender but commanding voice drew Leyrl out of her reflection, and all at once she could feel the cold fingers of fear clawing up through her stomach.

"Adeniyi, I..."

She felt the full weight of her mentor's eyes turn on her. Leyrl couldn't bring herself to meet them. Adeniyi waited.

"Adeniyi, I am afraid."

Silence.

"I am afraid I will fail."

Silence.

"I am afraid of what will happen if I fail."

Silence.

"I am not invincible. We are not invincible. And... I do not want to be at war anymore."

"You wounds are deep, my child," Adeniyi began, and Leyrl watched astonished as she began to weep, "and I thank Elindir for them, for who you are becoming because of them." She paused, and Leyrl reached out with a newfound gentleness to wipe away her tears.

Adeniyi held the young princess's hand to her cheek. "Not all fear is ill, Leyrl, or even meant to be overcome. Some fear is wisdom."

Leyrl nodded, feeling relieved. Then, she realized Adeniyi wasn't done. Leyrl wrestled against her desire to look anywhere else but her mentor's eyes, but she could not.

"But some fear, dear child, some fear is just fear. Some fear is a lion that will protect you from harm, but some fear is a lion that will roar so loudly it will drown out every other sound until you are deaf to anything else."

"How can I know the difference?"

"Let the lion out."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's listen together to what it is saying. What wisdom do you think it may have to share with you?"

Leyrl nodded, pulling back. "I am afraid I do not have what I need to lead this battle. The Ravens respect me, but I don't think they fully trust me. The style of mission is different than those I have led in the past — it is as much a rescue mission as it is an attack. I expect both Fallen Ones and Leif to be there, but there are also cadets and other wingwomen and wingmen who are under Lady Diana's influence. I think I know how to undo the Rewriting, but I will need the help of a healer and someone with Life Sight." Leyrl paused long enough to look over at Adeniyi who had the ghost of a proud smile playing across her lips.

Encouraged, Leyrl continued: "I am not the right person to lead this battle, Adeniyi... but you are. You are trusted by both sides, and you have fought battles like this before. You are the one I want to lead us out of this. That is what wisdom is telling me."

"Are you sure?" Adeniyi asked softly, slowly.

"There is no one in all of Áerlas I trust more than you, Adeniyi."

Her mentor bowed her head, "Then, I believe it is time to get to work."

Leyrl smiled. "Lead the way."

As Adeniyi led them back toward the cave, picking out the path through the scattered rocks, Leyrl felt a heavy weight lifting. But, as she watched anxiety tightening the body of her oldest friend, she wondered if she had made the right decision.

As if reading her mind, Adeniyi paused in her walk and turned to face Leyrl. "Whatever happens today, we will all bear it together."

Leyrl only nodded, and Adeniyi didn't wait for a response before turning to continue. In her heart, the young princess wished there was nothing that needed bearing. Wished there were no burdens that needed sharing. Then, as she often did, she tucked those thoughts away and steeled herself for what was to come.