101 Ways to Pretend│Taegyu

Chapter 16

His childhood home. The worn-down hickory of his front door now painted with a bleak grey, a newly installed electronic keypad replacing the dulled metal of its previous doorknob. Everything was almost unrecognisable. The same house that harboured memories of half of his lifetime, now feeling more unfamiliar to him beyond a point of recognition.

He remembered doodling on the doorframe with his neighbour when he was around eight, his eyes shifting to the specific area before realising that there was no point. It was painted over anyway. Everything he remembered was gone, nothing but an empty shell of the house he grew up in right in front of him. It didn't surprise him- his parents had never been one for nostalgia. You grow up, you leave and whatever you remember leaves with you. That's what it had always been from day one.

The warmth of Beomgyu's hand around his own was really the only comfort Taehyun could find at that moment. The reassuring squeeze the actor sent whenever he felt Taehyun tense up was the only thing keeping him grounded, stopping him from sinking into the ground at any given second. It really had been a while- almost nearing four years since he visited, but he sure as hell didn't feel any nostalgia going back.

"You'll do fine, Tyun. If you feel uncomfortable we can go back, alright?" Beomgyu's eyes softened at Taehyun's jittery state, turning to face the younger. He didn't say anything back but gave a final nod in response. He had to do it sooner or later.

After almost a whole five minutes of standing at his parents' doorstep, Taehyun drew a deep breath and stepped forward, pressing the doorbell with his heart heavy and fists clenched.

It didn't take long for his mother to appear before him, eyes crinkled with a smile as she pulled Taehyun into a long hug. It had only been a week, but he still missed her. As much as he disliked his father, his mother had always tried her best to operate as the middle-man for communication, and Taehyun deeply respected her for trying, even if it never did anything.

Well... he could say it did do something. He was standing at their doorstep after all. Nonetheless, he stepped inside after Beomgyu exchanged his greetings, and that's when he finally saw him.

His father, standing in the entryway. He hadn't changed one bit- other than perhaps the addition of a few new wrinkles and fatigue dragging the corners of his eyes down. He was still the same man- tall, reserved and ever so detached. His lips drew into a thin smile as Taehyun stepped into the room, still keeping his distance in an awkward tango of should we hug..?

They both eventually settled for a stiff pat on the back, Taehyun forcefully lifting up the corners of his mouth in an attempt to show a smile that he never intended to look genuine.

This was going to be a painfully awkward ride.

--

Getting up from the dining table, Taehyun got ready to bring back the dishes to the kitchen and help his mother wash up.

Dinner was... too perfect to feel natural. It felt like it was pulled straight out of a sitcom, tightened smiles and forced laughs echoing through the stale air. His parents asked questions that never overstepped a line, making sure to constantly gauge Taehyun's expression before making a joke where everyone felt like they had to laugh- not because it was funny, but to prevent the awkward silences that came after. His mother had carried most of the conversation while his father interjected with trivial advice, stuff that every other parent reminded their child from time to time.

Just as he was about to leave the room, his father cleared a cough.

"Taehyun, my boy, have a drink with me," he exchanged a knowing glance with his mother and beckoned for Taehyun to sit next to him. Taehyun wasn't really in the mood for a drink, he never drank much anyway, but he knew this was far more than just that, so he wordlessly took a seat next to the elder man. His mother shifted and gently grabbed Beomgyu by the arm.

"Beomgyu dear, how bout we go visit the convenience store? I need to pick up a few things," she made up on the spot with a smile, pulling Beomgyu out of the room. The actor turned around to throw a reassuring smile Taehyun's way, allowing himself to be pulled along outside.

The air was truly still now, with only Taehyun and his father left in the already silent room. The two shot glasses and soju bottles clunk in his father's hand as he sat down, pouring him a glass that the anchor only drank out of courtesy. He had a feeling he wanted to be sober for this. His father broke the silence first.

"Do you like him?"

Taehyun scoffed. What kind of question was that? Of course he liked Beomgyu. He didn't understand where this was going.

"Well yeah... I wouldn't be with him if I didn't-" he furrowed his brows, stating the obvious. His father only sighed in return, pouring himself another glass. Taehyun clenched his fists, ready to get up and leave if he even came close to badmouthing the actor.

"Enough to marry him, that is."

Taehyun froze. He knew where this was going, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to sit through all of it without throwing something at the wall. It was always like this. "I don't know what you're thinking of saying, but don't cross the line. I like him, and that's enough for now."

"I had to give up a dream once, you know. I wanted to go overseas, study law. But my father wanted me to take over the family business, stay back. Met your mother not long after. Got married. Even if I didn't like her at first. Do love her now, but that wasn't the case back then, you get me son?" His father changed the topic, placing his glass down on the table and lifting the bottle once more. Taehyun dug his fingers into his palms, knuckles turning white.

"What are you trying to say?" He asked, even if he already knew what his father was implying. Taehyun wanted to hear it come out of the man's mouth itself.

"What I'm saying is, sometimes we have to make sacrifices. I'm saying I want you to come back home. Find a nice girl and get married. Jae-in has a new opening position at his company, I could get in touch with him and land you a job too. Settle down Taehyun, give your old man some peace of mind. There's no future with you and Beomgyu."

That last sentence filled Taehyun with rage that seeped through every square inch of his body. What was the point of all this? His father hadn't bothered with him at all once he left, and now that he was finally, finally, happy- he was telling him to give it all up? It was almost laughable how absurd he was being. Who was he to decide whether Taehyun and Beomgyu had a future or not? Was it because Beomgyu was a man? Or was he just an all-around asshole?

Taehyun stood up and pushed his chair back with a screech. "And who are you to tell me to do that? Why do you care so much all of a sudden?" His voice rose slightly.

"And that's the damn problem with you Taehyun! You only care for yourself! Why can't you do the one thing I ask you to do? I should've never let you become an anchor. Being around Beomgyu has messed with your head." His father was shouting now, standing up while slamming his shot glass onto the table.

Taehyun's grip was impossibly tight on his own glass, stepping away from his father. "And you couldn't have told me to do all this before I was happy? Before I got myself into all of this? Maybe then I could've been the person you wanted." His voice died down, just above a whisper.

Though his voice was quiet, his grip on the glass only tightened. It tightened so much to the point where the glass crumbled under his grasp, exploding with the force of his anger. Shards made their way into the flesh of his palm, embedding themselves with the fury that ran through Taehyun's veins. To any normal person this would be excruciating pain, but rage was the only feeling that flooded Taehyun's mind in the presence of his father. His father opened his mouth to continue and try to spew bullshit, but Taehyun did nothing but glare daggers.

"Don't even bother."

And with that he left, crimson red staining the wooden floor behind him.