17 My Future

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*UNEDITED

My eyes went wide with Nadav’s declaration. The conversation is getting out of control. This isn’t where I want the discussion to go.

This isn’t how I wanted Nadav to ask me to marry him – not in this kind of situation. It felt like I only pushed him to do this. It felt like he only asked me because I’m pregnant. This is just wrong.

“Nadav, let’s stop here. I’m not asking you to marry me.”

He looked hurt suddenly.

“You don’t want to marry me?”

“No! what I said and what you asked me are two different things. Nadav, I’m glad that you want this too, I really am. But…”

“But what?” Nadav raked his hand through his hair, exasperation written on his face. “What do you want me to do?”

I was silent. I wanted to explain a lot of things to him but with the way he looked like right now, there’s no way he’ll listen to me.

“Nadav, wait…”

It was the last thing I said when he turned his back and walked away from me. He never even looked back when he opened the door and went out of the kitchen.

I stood there, motionless like a statue. This isn’t how it is supposed to be. Why did he have to walk away like that?

Is marriage always the answer when a woman gets pregnant? Why do men always think that way?

 

I willed my feet to move and go after Nadav but it stayed in place. I didn’t even realize that I was crying already, if not for the tears that fell on my hand. I was too shocked at the moment. I never really expected Nadav to walk away from me like that.

It’s a misunderstanding that could have been avoided if Nadav made an effort to listen. And now, he’s upset just because I rejected his proposal?

I had no idea where he went and I was in no mood to look for him in this castle like mansion; suddenly I felt exhausted and all I wanted to do was to lie down. He doesn’t have any idea how I feel now – in the next few months, I will be a mother and that scared me more than anything right now. I’m overwhelmed. And then Nadav asks me to marry him out of the blue…suddenly I felt like I’m drowning in waves of emotions and the one I’m expecting to reach out and save me walked away from me.

I cried myself to sleep that night…

“Good morning, Isla dear.” Adelaide greeted me the next morning with a full smile. If she noticed how puffy my eyes were (I think she did, there’s no way anyone would have missed how miserable I looked, crying almost all night) she didn’t say anything about it, which I made me glad because right now, I think my tears have all dried up.

“Good morning, Adelaide. Have you seen Nadav?”

“He went out early today.”

 So now he’s avoiding me on purpose?

“Did he say where he was going?”

“I’m afraid not, dear. So, what would you like to eat?”

I shook my head. Really…for the first time since I came here I lost my appetite, which didn’t go well with Adelaide. She went around the counter and made me sit down on one of the stools.

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