Milked

Meghranush | this isn't you.

After a night of "happy" sleep, I woke up to find Skylar in our kitchen eating cereal, her usual breakfast, completely empty of nutrients.

"Are you just waking up?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Wow. Impressive. You're always up before the sun. It's like...past noon."

I nodded again. The sun had risen long before I had this morning.

"Would you like to come with me to Phil's? I might need a wing man again."

"Not today. I have plans," I said, opening the fridge to look for something for breakfast. I had run out of happy pills, and though my decision didn't make me proud, I planned to drive Loren's apartment complex with the intention to buy more. Richard and I were scheduled to see each other tonight, and even though I had a working plan for what I would say to him, those words seemed useless now.

Because he could just tell me, "But I have footage of you, my sweet as honey. And if you don't remain my companion, what's to keep me from putting that footage on the internet?"

The thought in combination with the nausea I woke up with made me shut the fridge in exasperation. I grabbed an apple off the counter, thinking maybe I could force down a few bites.

I wouldn't let Richard put that footage on the internet. The only plan I saw as fitting was the plan to get through it, through my time with him. Surely I would only need to get through it for the rest of college, if I managed to get through college. Then, I would have an excuse to leave this place.

"When will you be home?" Skylar asked, and I wondered, why do you care?

"Not sure. I'm seeing Richard tonight. He's making me dinner at his house."

"...Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"It's fine."

"It's just that...it doesn't really seem like you enjoy spending time with him, Meg. You shouldn't go over there if you don't want to."

I looked at her pointedly. "And why do you need a wingman to go to Phil's? You shouldn't go over there if you don't want to." That shut her up about Richard.

"I have to show you something," she told me. She turned her laptop to face me, showing me an article from our school newspaper. I quickly scanned it, reading all about how ASU hosted not one but two gay porn stars, both who had declined to comment. Loren's name and picture were in the paper, and my heart dropped for him.

"That's too bad," I told Skylar. "He always acts like he doesn't care, but I know he doesn't want other people knowing."

"You knew?" Skylar said.

"Well, yeah."

"For how long?"

"Shane told me the night we met."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"It wasn't my secret to share, Skylar."

"So you knew about him and Shane?"

"I did."

"What the fuck, Meg?"

"Look, Skylar, I guess be mad at me if you want to. I'm sorry. But I don't have time to deal with this right now. I have plans."

Then I left.

On the drive, I kept thinking about what could happen if Richard released the footage of me. Would I end up in the school newspaper? I thought journalists were supposed to follow a system of ethics, but that article didn't seem at all ethical. That article had shined light on all of Loren's private moments hidden in the dark corners of the internet.