camboy // seungjin

Extra #1a

[a/n 2

This isn't the epilogue, honestly I'm debating whether I'll even post one because the only outline I have is cheesy (CHEESE! I'm sorry). I thought I should publish something for y'all since I felt bad about it being so long since the last update.]

[a/n about polyamory

I've seen a lot of negative representations of polyamory, so I wanted to create this. I'd like to continue this theme with asexuality and other identities. If there's anything you'd like to see, feel free to comment :) It doesn't have to be a sexuality, it can be any marginalized identity/something stigmatized.

If a polyamorous relationship begins with one couple of two people, both should want to be in that type of relationship. There's a lot of different ways for polyamory to exist including a mix of poly and monogamous relationships.

Consensual and respectful polyamory is often used to paint people in a negative light and even used against people in child custody cases. 

I'm not poly so I hope I did this justice. Feel free to message me if there is anything inaccurate.

Another sort of side note, even if relationships remain platonic, I don't think that's a bad thing, sometimes it's for the best, and I don't think it should be forced by the people involved or outsiders. (I mean this in a different way than shipping because my definition of shipping is just thinking that people go well together platonically or could be in a romantic relationship, not that they're being forced together).]

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// polyphobia, mentions of food

It was just like any other day after high school for the twins, going home to Felix's house to bake brownies and cuddle as they watched their favorite gaming and nature videos. As they were about to run across the street, Felix habitually grabbed Jisung's hand. But this time, it was with more than the intention to keep them safe.

His feelings for Jisung had been like a freezing ocean. The surface was slushy water, actions that could be perceived as romantic and platonic and everything in between. But the solid romantic love was an iceberg underwater, crystallizing slowly, unable to be fully realized.

Feelings were often confusing like that. There were many friendships he'd had where he'd had a little bit of romantic feelings for the other, but after a while, he realized that it wasn't something he wanted to pursue with them. There were some where he realized he only liked them as friends to begin with. There were some where he couldn't tell whether he actually liked them or just wanted them to like him.

He had realized through his many youthful mistakes that he wasn't a love-at-first-sight type of person. He easily idealized people and had more compatible relationships in his head than in reality.

So Felix ended up often dismissing his emotions when they got overwhelming, and for a while, his feelings for Jisung remained hidden.

But when he and Jisung had accidentally bumped heads during dance rehearsal, he had the thought that he wouldn't mind Jisung kissing him right then.

His mind had whirled, and as he mulled over his wants and the years they'd been friends. He was very sure of his love for Jisung, nothing like his infatuations of the past. It was a love that had grown like a slow blooming flower, nurtured by communication and understanding and years of experiences together. And on top of that, they just clicked, having a similar sense of humor that made them best friends, and hopefully for Felix, boyfriends.

They held onto to each other's hands as they continued. Both their hearts were beating too fast, but Jisung was the only one who chalked it up to having sprinted across the street.

Felix's nerves tingled when he realized that Jisung still hadn't let go. But then again, maybe the slightly older one didn't mean anything by it. It could well have been because he was just comfortable holding hands.

Time passed quickly, with Felix laughing at Jisung's recollection of his weekend with Minho, but also anxiously awaiting the moment when he would confess. 

When there was a lull in there conversation, the slightly younger one took the opportunity, having finally worked up the nerve. He tugged on Jisung's hand and stopped them so that the other turned to face him. He took both of his hands in his own and took a deep breath.

Jisung didn't feel nervous, not knowing the other's intentions. He was confused, and figured that Felix would tell him something that was weighing on his mind. But this usually didn't happen so randomly, halfway to their destination, and under the only semi-private wooded area.

The blonde boy just stared at him, almost pleadingly.

"Felix?" Their faces were much too close, but Jisung didn't move away. His eyes flitted over Felix's starry eyes and freckles and landed on his flushed lips.

Jisung often spent time admiring the features of his friend's face. It wasn't jealousy, because he knew that he was beautiful. But his friend was so gorgeous he couldn't help but stare whenever Felix was occupied with something else, focused on perfecting his brownie recipe or hard at work memorizing choreo.

After a few months of this admiration, he realized that his thoughts had turned less from how Felix's features looked to how they would feel against his own. How his eyelashes would flutter across his cheek, his small hand thumbing over his mouth before attaching his lips to his own.

He had shoved the thoughts out of his mind, disturbed by them, and feeling like they had come out of nowhere.

He was dating Minho. He loved Minho, his one and only soulmate. They had talked about living together, finding a landlord that would allow Minho's three beloved cats from his childhood home. Jisung cherished every moment with him, always being so easy to talk to, or often just quietly spending time with each other's presence. He was a better person when he was with Minho and he couldn't fathom what he would do without him. So he continued to stuff his guilty feelings for Felix away.

In that moment, Felix didn't restrain his longing for another moment longer, and drew them into a kiss.