Conflicted (Buddie) ENGLISH VERSION

Buck Indeed

6 years ago... Argentina, year 2014.

The sun. This may not be the first thing we think about when we talk about this country, but the sun of Argentina was worth a thousand times that of Oregon. It was a warm sun that browned the skin so easily that even people with a pale complexion could hope to leave with the caramel color.

That was not really what had attracted him here to tell the truth, although now he particularly appreciated this sun, what he loved most was his independence. He had never been very good at coping and yet it seemed that here he could finally live his life as he saw fit.

At the age of 23, he had spent most of his adolescence looking for a way to live as he had decided and not as directed. It was the difference between him and his sister. He was a failure and was haunted by a constant feeling of disappointment towards his parents. It was not they who were disappointing, it was he who was disappointing for them.

Maddie had joined nursing school very early and the day she announced to her sixteen-year-old brother that she was leaving with her boyfriend several hours away to hope to join a renowned school, he felt like he had been betrayed. However, his parents could not be prouder. Their darling daughter left the nest and took charge of her life. But there remained Evan - because only his friends call him Buck - who did everything to provoke them. This child had a particularity: he liked the taste for risk. It was his many injuries, falls by bike or on the stairs that led his sister to personal care. And very quickly when the years passed, it was obvious that it was no longer thanks to her brother that she did this job, but also because of her companion.

One morning Maddie found herself facing Buck in the hospital. He had just fought violently with their parents and had taken his motorcycle. Driven by an uncontrolled rage, he had an accident.

« I'm going to become something, » begged the boy in a broken voice, « I just don't know what yet »

Maddie reassured him and promised him that he would succeed. He had already thought several times about leaving for a while and trying to form a life. But when he realized that the Maddie he had always known had disappeared and that she had been replaced by the shell of a woman abused and traumatized by violence, he made her a proposal one evening by taking her home.

« Fly with me. We can go anywhere, we will both do our lives again, far from Doug's asshole. Come with me Maddie »

She hesitated for a long time, biting her thumb skin and finally ended up saying yes, to her brother's surprise. He had taken the announcement so much at first degree that he had booked a room in Arizona, he intended to drive all day the next day with his sister in the passenger seat.

When he entered the hospital service the next day at 9 a.m., an hour after their scheduled departure, he knew that she would not come. One of his colleagues gave him a letter and he threw it in the trash after reading it. It was another disappointment.

« Evan,

I know that if you read this letter it's because I didn't come. I'm sorry. I thought for a tiny second that I could escape with you and couldn't have asked for more. Going far on the roads with my little brother is the dream of a lifetime. But I remembered it. I remembered everything what was happening in our lives and everything that will happen if I run away with you.

He will never stop looking for me, and if he finds us, he would hurt you and it's out of the question that it happens. I spent my life trying to watch over you and even if I didn't always succeed, I dare to think that's how you became the incredible man you are. You grew up fast, a little too much for my taste.

You told me the other day that you would become someone and I believe you because I know you. You will persevere until you find out who this person is. Go away. Live your life while you still have time. I would always be there for you even if I'm far away, and I can't help but be excited about meeting the new Buck. The one who will be happy.