stars and terrain (zayn malik)

Chapter 21

Charlotte

I can't believe I said it, but I meant it. He seemed so unsure of himself, so sure I was going to end it before it really ever began. My subconscious crawled in to agree with him, this will only get crazier, but I know I can handle it.

He's worth all of it.

He has fallen asleep in my full size bed, and just as I predicted he's sprawled himself out to take up most of it. I'm currently sitting with my back pressed up against the wall, my feet resting on the other side of his body that's lying diagonally across the entire bed. It makes me laugh, and I'm not really tired yet so I don't mind.

I don't know how I could sleep. When I wake up tomorrow my entire life will be different. I would be on cloud nine about this entire situation, even the downsides, if one scary thought didn't keep sliding in. I'm on the path to becoming just like my mother.

There's a reason my mother primed me to take pride and use my appearance (despite my awkward teenage years). It's because that's how she's gotten by her entire life. After my dad left she sung the praises of marrying for money, since marrying for love had only left her divorced with a daughter. She floated from rich man to richer man, and eventually it was time for me to pack my bags at eighteen as she settled into her most recent gold digging relationship with someone older than my grandfather.

I don't see her enough to be bothered by it, and I'm mainly grateful it didn't happen while I still had to live under her roof. But I can't fool myself into thinking I'm not following in her footsteps, saddling up with a man who can give me everything I need.

Fighting Zayn on coming on tour with him will be the most important token of my independence. I can't just drop my life. I still have a job. I still have castings to go to. I will not be all right with letting him pay for everything; I will not be my mother.

But you'll be okay with living for free in his mansion, my self-conscious pipes in.

I tell myself that's different. I can't stay here now that they have this place marked. If I'm honest with myself, I've been dying to get out of this place since I moved in years ago. And he asked me. He begged me. 

Zayn and I are different than my mother and any of her projects.

I'm glad I explained that part of my life to him last night after my love confession. He knows how important my independence is, that I don't want to just become Zayn's trophy girlfriend who sits on a hill in Malibu and waits for him to come home from tour. So I won't. I'll still be Charlotte. 

Well, not really. I'll be Charlie. 

My eyelids finally feel heavy and I shut off my light, arranging myself around Zayn's limbs in the most comfortable way possible. He shifts and his arm tucks around me, pulling me to him in his sleep.

This is going to be my life now.

It's so strange.