Y/NS POV:
billie and I broke off a month ago, no it wasn't a break up. we just hooked up but i realized i actually had feelings for her. The last time she came over i told her that I loved her mid fuck. you'd think it'd be a sweet gesture but she didn't take it very well.
we ended up stopping in the moment, we argued and she left. i cried for the next week following, I knew it was against the rules we made but I didn't think telling her would split us apart like this.
anyways. im over it. i think. i went out shopping with my best friend Ace and it was going pretty well, we both got a lot of clothes. the worst thing about billie and I is that things still remind me of her. i see burritos and think of how she loved them so much, her favorite color is everywhere and so is the favorite stores and restaurants she'd go to every week.
i haven't stopped thinking of her since which is probably a bad thing. i wonder what would've happened if I would've just kept my mouth shut.
ace knows how much I loved Billie before hand and I always told her everything.
me and her got back in the car after awhile and the sun was setting, we sang in the car and when we got to my house we settled on my bed.
"that is so cute I really wish they had my size" she pouted staring at the t-shirt
i smiled at her and after we looked back at everything we bought we placed the bags on my dresser.
"you know what's funny.." I asked
she hummed back.
"I don't think I really had a chance with her anyways" I said looking down at her laying down next to me
she rolled her eyes knowing I'm still thinking about her, whenever I talked about billie she'd just hate her more. ace knew how bad billie treated me sometimes and she's threatened her a couple of times. it's really funny.
she flipped her body around now laying on her stomach looking at me sitting against the bed railing. "even if you did, you deserve better" i kinda just stared at her spacing out
"i mean I wouldn't have minded if you guys got together and she became a better person, but all she did was storm out on you and I don't think that makes her the bigger person here y/n" she sat up
she was right, but I loved her so much. during sex all I wanted was to kiss her and tell her how much I loved her and stare into her eyes but I couldn't cuz I know the only reason she was there was for pleasure. it hurt me so badly to the point where sometimes I didn't even enjoy it at all.
"but I just wished she'd understood better.." I murmured
ace responded with a sympathetic i know and leaned forward hugging me. after that week of grief I went numb and didn't really care about anything anymore, I didn't go out or eat as much. ace pulled away and she was closer to my face as I thought she was and we both froze.
she looked at both of my eyes then to my lips creating a moment, my eyebrows furrowed together as she leaned forward pressing our lips together. I would've never thought of her doing this. ever. my eyes went wide but as soon as we both relaxed our tense bodies, it all melted together.
her knee slid up between my legs which made me groan giving her tongue entry into my mouth. i held her face with my hands as hers were planted next to me. one of them began to slide into my pants until we heard the door crack open seeing a familiar face.
"oh- im sorry.." billie said closing the door
ace looked at me frustrated as i got up fixing my pants. i began opening my bedroom door as ace flew past going through the front door giving billie a dirty look.
i slowly trailed behind seeing ace gone already.
"why are you here."
bil began to speak coming into the house, but I put my hand on her chest stopping her. knowing it'll probably lead to sex, and I don't want that from her right now.
"i just wanted to come by and apologize.."
that's it? like she hasn't apologized 20 other times.
"apologize..apologize?! you think I'm really gonna forgive you from just two words, if you think I'm gonna accept that again, you're wrong."
billie played with her hands, her head down looking like she was on the verge of tears
" you think after a month we can just move on? really? all I ever wanted was to be understood and listened too and all you ever did was yell and throw tantrums. is that what you think I want?"
"no..I don't" she whispered
"i know there wasn't supposed to be anything developing but what do you think would happen billie? you think I'm not gonna love you after all we did?" you acted like you weren't even there for me.."
"no I didn't" she murmured
"you used me for your own satisfaction.."
"no I didn't." again.
"..im so done playing your games billie, you made me doubt myself so much and all we did other than that was fight"
"no we didnt" a lie
"yes we did." I saw droplets falling from her eyes, the concrete under her now wet, she knew what she did was wrong, I know she did. i hate her so much.
"i do love you y/n, i do. but I just can't be in love. i really can't, you think I wanted that to happen? I didn't wanna fucking hurt you." she looked away
we were both so heated, if you kinda think about it we were both in the wrong here. i wasn't supposed to catch feelings and she treated me like shit.
i scoffed, as she looked up at me, her eyes red and puffy, there were little eye bags under her eyes like she hasn't gotten a good sleep in awhile. seeing her like that all I wanted was to kiss it away, i wanted to make her feel better but I couldn't.
"can we just start ov-" I cut her off
"I think you should leave." I said sternly
which made her eyes fill with tears again, as they streamed down she continuously tried to wipe them with the back of her hand. she hated people seeing her cry, always. i felt so bad.
"can I have one more kiss...please baby?"
now I wanted to cry. she's never used pet names except when we were having sex. hearing it made my heart ache.
i hesitantly nodded, she stepped forward and slowly, kinda awkwardly placing her lips on mine, we just stood there. lips locked, her hands on my hips, one of mine on her face. seconds went passed until she gripped my waist harder pulling me closer.
the kiss became deeper, we were desperately moving our tongues together, our breathing heavy as I backed her against a wall. once she bumped into it she opened her eyes pulling away.
"do you still want me to leave..?" i smiled slightly knowing she won. again.
"i guess not..but no sex for awhile..please, I just wanna talk." she smiled back and gave me a quick hug stepping inside
sorry ace.
A/N: kinda have writers block rn
