"And Always, Sweet Dreams."

Wishes can Fail

Midoriya's POV

I wouldn't say that I woke up in the morning, since even though I was conscious and my eyes were open, I didn't exactly feel awake. My eyes were fogged and my brain felt like mush, and the unsettled feeling in my stomach was giving me the urge to rush to the bathroom and throw up again.

Kacchan was moving across the room in front of me, probably cleaning up his room a little bit, since we all know how much he likes having things neat and organised. He was mumbling under his breath – speaking incoherent words that sounded oddly like he was listing off the things he was doing or had to do, and I was grateful that he wasn't swearing like he always does whenever studying with Kirishima.

Kacchan's Mum – Aunty Mitsuki – had come in briefly and gave us some toast with strawberry jam, and told us after Kacchan informed her of Shouto's return that she would take us to the school around lunchtime after she finished submitting a design project for work. Kacchan and I had given her silent murmurs of agreement, and had dressed without exchanging any words.

The only interaction we had so far that I needed to pay attention to was when he gently grasped my wrist and pulled me closer to him. His eyes were burning hot red with emotion and conflicted feelings, and I felt my gut clench uncomfortably at the attention he was giving me. I was never the type to want attention and never wanted to be the main focus of anything, but in that moment, it was as if all Kacchan could see was me.

I wondered if it was something he saw in my eyes – maybe caught the glimmer of pain underlying all that tiredness – because he tugged me closer towards him until half our sides were pressed together, and he sat back on the bed, beckoning me to do the same. I sat with him, unsettled at the way red eyes were watching me, and refused to relax my shoulders, even when Kacchan obviously noticed how tense I was.

Gently, his fingers brushed my wrist, and I felt an involuntary shiver at the tingling sensation his touch was leaving on my skin. My emotions were flooded with nervousness and guilt, because Kacchan knew. He knew, and I really didn't want to have this conversation with him right now, when we should be getting to Shouto.

His touch on my wrist was suddenly burning.

"Izuku, I – I know that this is hard, but you need to stop."

I tore my gaze away from his watchful eyes, and decided to look at the door instead. "Why should I, when you didn't?"

Kacchan shifted slightly, and his grip tightened. "That's – that's different, Izuku. This is you we're talking about. I don't matter."

I clenched my fists, and struggled to keep my breathing even. "Yes, you do, Kacchan. You matter, okay?"

He sighed and ran his free hand through his crazy hair, defeated. "Yeah – okay, fine. But to me, you matter more, if you get what I mean."

I gave him a slight not, because I did understand. "It's okay. I get what you mean. We both want the other to be happy and okay, but we don't want that for ourselves, and so we're stuck in a loop."

Kacchan agreed, and we were silent again.

I swallowed. "I'll – I'll be okay when I see Shouto. After I see him, and he's fine, I'll be okay. I'll stop."

Kacchan inhaled shakily, and he moved to grasp my hand. I glanced over at him, and uncertainty was shining in his rose eyes. "But what if he isn't okay, Izuku? What if this time we can't reverse the damage done?"

I chewed on my bottom lip, which has become a bad habit of mine recently. "Shouto and I are a unit. If one of us isn't okay, then none of us will be," I took a shaky breath, and shook my head. "And – and please, Kacchan, don't talk about stuff like that. I'm not okay and the situation – the situation is so stressful, and I really can't – I can't – I can't think about the negatives right now and – uh – I can't – I can't breathe –."