Ya Rabb, I am Yours

Chapter 1

"And which of My favours will you deny?" I heard someone reciting beside me. I had not slept properly the whole week because of the work load that my boss was so mercilessly showering on me. It was Sunday today and i was having the most beautiful sleep when i heard these strange words in Arabic. It was a routine now to wake up with these words sounding in my ears every weekend. My head started to hurt. Ali nudged me softly, "Fatima love, wake up. Its time for fajr." I pushed his hand away angrily and got up from the bed. I stood facing him with my eyes half closed, "you know it's only been 3 hours since i slept. My head is pounding. You know that i havent had any sleep the whole week. How can you be so damn," i was at a loss of words. I was really irritated. How can he be so mean. My head was not letting me think properly. He was looking at me with his soft light brown eyes expecting me to continue. I sat down with my head in my hands, my back towards him.

"Hey, whats wrong Fatima." I heard him close the book he was reading and come towards me. He had a worried expression on his face. He sat down, on his knees and took my face in his hands. 

"My head hearts," i simply stated. He smiled. His beard had really grown. How much i hated that beard. O God, why did he have to become this person. I didnt like him anymore. I remembered the time when i had fallen in love with him. His light grey eyes and his smile that used to make my heart stop. I couldnt see anything beyond him. He was the light in my darker times and the reason behind my every smile. I stared in his eyes now. He was not the same Ali. 

He stroked my cheek gently, " Fatima, what has happened dear. You dont eat properly. You have become so thin. Is there something wrong? You know i cannot bear this. You dont talk to me at all. You dont open up to me anymore." His eyes looked so sad. 

I pushed his hand away angrily and got up. 

"Ali, do you even love me now" 

He looked hurt. He took my hand in his and spoke so softly " You know i love you Fatima." 

He lifted my chin so that i could look at him, "look in my eyes. There is nothing more that i love than you. You are so precious to me Fatima, i wish i could just make you understand." 

" no, you dont." I snapped at him. He was slightly taken aback but i am sure he knew this was coming. Afterall we have been having these fights for over a year now. Well more appropriately, they werent fights. It was just me yelling at him and he just sat looking at me with strange eyes everytime. Sometimes they were sweet eyes. Other times they were filled with love. Some times they were troublesome, filled with worry

I didnt understand what he worried about. I was the one that should be worried about him, his strange attitude, his get up, attire, his staying awake the whole night in the lounge. What had he become? I didnt know what he did there but he usually prayed. I could sometimes hear sounds of recitation coming from the other room. 

When i fought and complained that i had to sleep, he politely closed the book. " As you say, you lazy bum,"He smiled widely, got up, kissed me lightly on the forehead " you know i would do anything for you, Fatima," he whispered, stroking my cheek gently and went to bed. That day he had looked at me with eyes filled with emotions that i did not understand. Those eyes were happy. There was a joy in them that i could not decipher. There was a passion. I cannot give you one word to describe what those eyes had in them but i m pretty sure a hundred pages wouldnt even begin to cover that. It was as if i could see his soul right through his eyes. He felt so at peace and pure that i felt envy towards him. I wanted to snatch away those feelings from him. If he couldnt keep me happy, how could he himself experience sonething even close to happiness. I had once loved those eyes but now i hated them. I hated them for making my life the way that it is now. I hated that beard, i hate his clothes, the way that he dresses to expose his ankles. I hate living with him. 

" i want a divorce." I said really loudly and went storming out of the room. 

"Fatima, wait" i heard him say but i was already out and i locked myself in the next room.