Nameless // Van McCann

15. I Need To Love Myself

Days went by before I gathered the courage to text her, and when I did, I found out her number was disconnected. That was my only way to reach her, the only evidence I had that she once existed. Now I was starting to doubt myself. She left my life as suddenly as she entered it, and I never found out what it was she wanted. All I had were her cryptic warnings that I was being watched by the man in all black with the hat who I never saw again. But to be fair, that was because I had to give Cookie back, and my walks around the neighborhood stopped.

The mystery revolving Liv has become a frequent conversation during dinner. There were details I held back but Bondy was intrigued by the whole situation. He settled on her being a spy that was on assignment to watch me. I'm surprised the thought never occurred to me but it makes sense. I've done tons of illegal activity but I'm usually careful about covering my tracks. The government is getting smarter though, so it makes sense they found out about me. She had several chances to turn me in. I'm sure she knows all the things I've done, but I never got the sense that she was out to get me. It was quite the opposite—like she was trying to help me.

I contacted G two days ago to buy more drugs off him but hadn't heard back. To see if he was intentionally ignoring me, I decided to remote in on his computer, which I fixed for him months ago. G never had anything worth digging through but I decided to check his personal emails and found out he hired someone to keep an eye on me. The man he hired matched the description of the man in all black with the hat, but something happened and he pulled out of the job. This was recent.

The fact that I knew G was seeing a prostitute worried him. He thought I was going to tell his wife so he hired someone to scare me into staying quiet. He was to kidnap me and warn me that if I said a word, I'll be dead. Reading their exchange online was chilling and that was when I realized I had to stay away from G.

But like I said, it was like I had an angel looking out for me. Not only did the man he hired drop out, G was arrested just yesterday for being involved in the drug cartel. It was big news on a slow news day so everyone was talking about it. While I was watching the news, I had a feeling it was no accident. I had a nagging feeling that it was Liv who did that.

The past few days had me thinking, had me question what I was doing. Getting involved in other people's business was thrilling but it hurt me in some ways. I've become more withdrawn because of my secret and that resulted in Bondy and I's relationship falling apart. Luckily I was able to somewhat salvage it before things got worse. It also caused me a lot of anxiety. I'm always checking how Jim Dawson is doing, if he's still around, and he is for better or for worse. I felt terrible for the bloke but his actions were inexcusable. The amount of times I was checking on him was unhealthy and I realized I had to separate myself from him. And last but not least, I ruined my relationship with G, basically putting my life at risk. I'd probably end up hurt or dead if it wasn't for Liv so I have her to thank but she's not around and I have no way of contacting her.

Needless to say, the past few days had me questioning whether I was truly happy. I felt that I was doing more harm than good so I had to do some good deeds like helping the student get free textbooks to feel better about myself. But I realized I didn't need to do that if I didn't get involved in people's business in the first place.

After much thought, I decided to sell my computer. Bondy wanted it but selling it to him wouldn't get rid of it. I wanted it out of sight and out of my life. It didn't take long to sell the computer. There were multiple people who showed interest so I sold it to the first person who was willing to get it off my hands and pocketed the money.

When I first came up with the pseudonym Nameless, I had the intention of being a hero. But how can I be a hero if I can't save myself? I need to love myself first so that's what I'm going to do.

—The End—

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THANK YOU
I just wanted to thank you all for reading this short story from beginning to end. Thanks for all the votes, comments, and for adding this story to your reading list!

Nameless first started out as a two-part imagine, which turned into four parts, and then 15 parts in the end. I originally saw this story as a romantic comedy but it ended up being a mystery. I'm not sure what happened but I hope you enjoyed it. 😂

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ABOUT
Finished: 19 October 2021
Posted: 5 November 2021