Aleksander Morozova Imagined

You promised

Minor spoilers for the shadow and bone! Spoilers about the shadow fold! 

*Quick recap the chapters A friend and the starlight angel are all connected.*

The imagine takes place after the darkling has created the shadow fold at the expense of Anya and Valya. As he is dealing with the aftermath of that and how it affects him.  This is around 400 prior to Alina. 

Aleksander's pov 

My hands curled and uncurled around what used to be Anya. Tears make their way down my cheeks as sobs fall from my lips. I know that this would be a pitiful sight to all those that would see me but I couldn't find it in me to care. I had just achieved my goal created this wall of darkness that would protect the Grisha. I should be proud but all  I can feel is grief. They had warned me of the cost but I hadn't listened now look what had happened. 

I lost them. I had paid the price of my achievements, a cost that I wasn't willing to pay but the universe didn't care. It took them anyway.  I stare at the jagged scar on my palm. A promise to protect all the Grisha I could. Didn't I do that? Not all a tiny voice in my head whispers. I try to block it out. "Aleksander I-I'm not ready. Please Aleks," Anya's final words ring out to me in the silence. Images flash before my eyes unbidden. Anya is on her horse as we ride through our field. Valya sings me a lullaby as she chases out the dark. The Grisha plays dancing music as Anya twirls, her skirt spinning out around her. And he is laughing, doubled over until she takes my hands. Dragging me out onto the dance floor. 

Then we are staring at each other in the moonlit field. Bodies flush against each other, her blue eyes boring into his dark ones. The scene changes and Anya is nursing a wound from a druskelle. A red spot staining the bandage. Now we are outside the ruins of a village. Smoke hangs thick in the air; charred skeletons litter the ground. Anya summons a strong breeze dispersing some of the smoke. The scene shifts again and we are in the midst of battle. Gunshots go off, and then I'm back once again holding her as inky black veins run up and down her neck. 

The memories end and I find myself staring at the scar on my palm. My wall of darkness behind me. A shrill shrieking sound echoes from inside the inky blackness. My creation has cost the life of my beloved what if it has cost others? The otkazat'sya doesn't matter but what of the Grisha? How many Grisha have I just sacrificed in my experiment, in my greed have I done the one thing I swore I would fight against. What now? What more could I possibly do? 

"I, Anya Konstantinovna swear to protect Grisha as long as I may live." Her words float back to me, they crowd in my head until I can think of nothing else. I promised and I have broken my promise. But I will not make that mistake twice. In the name of Anya, I will not let her sacrifice go to waste. This wall of shadows will be Grisha's salvation. I may not know how yet but I will think of a plan and I will be able to fulfill my promise. 

I look back down at my now empty hands and I lose all sense of control. I pound my fist against the ground. Jagged stones in the dirt digging into my flesh. I accept the pain, thankful for it. Unwanted tears leak from my eyes as the skin on my knuckles split open. Blow pours from the cuts but I don't care I deserve the pain. After what I did to my beautiful Anya it's the least I deserve. "I love you my dear and now you're gone. Is this the price of my love?" I whisper the words to no one in particular, not that there is anyone here but me. Alone again, I scream. I scream until my lungs feel as if they are drowned and my throat is raw. I scream until the sun surrenders to the moon. 

It feels as if an eternity has passed before mother comes. She finds me in the same spot, I can only imagine what I look like. Bloody hands, bloodshot and puffy eyes. I look weak. "What have you done boy?" She questions sharply. I turn my head to face her, "I made something." 

"you foolish boy. Did you learn anything from Illya? The cost-" 

"Speak nothing to me about the cost. I have already paid it," I snap looking back at my hands. For once my Mother must be speechless. After a while, I suspect she has left me but I feel her hand pull me to my feet. My body protests the movement cracking all the way up. "Come," She says, pulling me to follow her as she walks away. My legs are not ready for the action and buckle, causing me to fall face-first to the ground. I roll onto my back mother looming over me. "Get up boy before the people come and kill you." 

"I have already died." She rolls her eyes at me. "Then let it be so, the man responsible for the creation of this thing," she gestures to my creation, "died after doing so." I lay a hand over my face, blocking out the world. I hear her huff before I feel myself be dragged from the scene. 

Author's Note

Hey Guys! 

I'm back! Did you miss me? I know I have been quite the ghost lately but school has been quite stressful lately so bear with me. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this. I do take requests in case you forgot, and I am also working on a full-blown story regarding my original character Emery, I know I said the first few chapters would be out soon like two months ago but I'm trying to plan this first before publishing and I realized that I had to rewrite the majority of the chapters I had already written so I am so sorry about that. I'm sorry for any misspellings and improper grammar. Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day/night! 

-K