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When Benji got the opportunity to join a band he was ecstatic, he couldn't wait to go home and tell his boyfriend about the amazing band he was gonna partake in.
When he told Victor, he was very happy for Benji, actually, he was really proud of Benji for finally getting to do something that he has dreamed of since he was a little kid.
Victor was the typical supportive boyfriend of all this. He went to all of Benji's gigs and gave him positive feedback even if it sucked, which Benji appreciated so much.
Benji couldn't have been happier at that time...but now, walking into the band practice room just fills him with so much anxiety.
He doesn't know what's gonna be said to him when he walks in, he doesn't know what they're gonna say about his singing or his guitar skills, it sucked.
Today he walked into the band room and took his guitar out of the case and went over to where the rest of the band was.
"Benji we have something to tell you" Milo told him and his heart raced as millions of thoughts raced through his head "what is it?" he asked pushing his hair back "we think that you should change your...appearance" they all looked at me up and down "what do you mean?" Benji genuinely asked. He didn't think he looked that bad...did he? "What do you mean? Benji, come on, look at yourself. You look like such a generic white boy" (a/n: this sounds so rude, I'm sorry, benji is such a beautiful boy) benji gave them a sad look "what do you want me to change?" he asked
"Maybe you could start by changing your hair, maybe as some streaks of color so it's not so...dull looking. Next, you could change the way you dress so instead of being like that you could look more like...us which is a rock-type look, you know what I mean" Coryn told him and he nodded "next maybe you could get rid of that rainbow strap on your guitar and replace it with something less colorful. We know your gay but not everyone needs to know, got that" milo said and benji nodded once again
Their words hurt, benji thought this was a place where he could fully be himself, that's the whole reason he started writing music, he wanted to be free to express himself however he could
"So you just want me to change my look to match you guys?" benji asked and they all nodded "and tone down this whole 'gay' thing you have going on" Stevie said "so is this meeting done.." he asked really just wanted to break down right there. "Yep, we all have lots of homework to do so we're all gonna leave. Think about what we said though, benji." tosh patted my back before grabbing his bag "also benji, maybe you should actually learn to sing and play guitar before you join a band like ours...you suck at it" Coryn told him
After they all left I put my guitar back and started my walk to victor's house. I really needed some reassurance from him right now.
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"Hi Isabel" Benji smiled as she opened the door "hey benji..oh you have your guitar. Are you here to sing us another song" the last time he was here victor's little brother wanted him to play a song so he did and his whole family just gathered around to listen..it was nice "no, not today, sorry, I'm in the middle of writing a song though so maybe next time" he smiled "well. Victor is in his room, probably doing homework, so have fun" she let me in the house "thank you"
I knocked on Victor's bedroom door and he told me to come in. I opened the door and I saw victor's face light up with a smile "hey benji'' he gave me a hug "how was band practice" he asked and I put my guitar case down and sat down on his bed "why do you look so sad? What's going on?" he asked, sitting down, cross-legged, on the bed.
Benji crawled into Victor's lap wrapping his legs around the other boy's waist and he put his head on Victor's shoulder.
Sadness filled his eyes as the tears started to form. Victor rubbed his back up and down in a comforting manner trying to figure out what made the smaller boy so upset. Neither of the boys spoke a word. All Benji wanted was to be in the comforting arms of his boyfriend and that's what he got...
"What's got you so upset, baby?" Victor asked after a few more minutes of silence. Benji's fingers curled onto victors shirt as a choked sob escaped his lips
Victor continued to comfort him the best he could until benji was ready to talk about what was bothering him
"Does my voice really sound bad? Or maybe the way I dress or present myself? Do you think I'm too 'gay' to perform?" his voice came out sounding sad and tired "what are you talking about, Benji? Your singing voice is the most beautiful thing ever, it's so comforting and I absolutely love it so much. I think it's angelic. It's like Zayn Malik and Zayn's voice is gorgeous...Just like yours." benji smiled at the comparison to one of the people who inspired him to start getting serious about singing
"I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you present yourself. You come off as a very confident person with a big heart and the sweetest personality ever. and, no, benji, you are not 'too gay' to perform, I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as being too gay. Honestly, I think that being yourself and just expressing who you are is one of the most important parts of being a musical artist, you understand. Who made you think this badly about yourself?" Victor asked and benji sighed snuggling into him "I don't think my bandmates think I'm good enough. They've been hinting about how much I sucked for the past couple of weeks and today they just told me straight up...They said they want me to change my style to match their emo rock clothes or whatever, they don't want me to wear my rainbow strap that's on my guitar because apparently that is too gay for them, and they said that my singing voice and my guitar skills are bad" his voice cracked towards the end as more tears fell from his eyes. Victor held the small boy tighter as he swayed back and forth in an attempt to calm him down
"I love you" victor whispered to him "no you don't" Benji said sadly "of course I do" he wiped some tears that fell "I love you so much more than you could ever imagine" victor smiled at benji "how..how could you love someone like me" victor tilts Benji's chin up and looked up at the sad eyes in front of him which was enough of an answer for benji "I'm sorry" he put his head back on victors shoulder and victor ran one hand up and down Benji's back and the other hand stroked his hair gently
"It's okay, benji, I love you so much," Victor said softly. Benji chokes on his sobs as victor spoke his soft words "hey..." victor said, pushing some hair away from Benji's face "you're okay, you gotta breathe, love" benji hugged victor tighter as victor gently rubbed his hips.
"H look Look at me," Victor lifted Benji's chin up and he let out a small whimper. The two boys started to breathe in and out together until Benji's breathing went back to a normal pace.
"I want you to love yourself, baby" Benji sat up a bit and gave victor a confused look. "Every day when you're getting ready for the day I want you to text me and tell me your favorite thing about yourself that day. Whether it's your beautiful voice, your stunning looks, the way you dress, anything...I want you to pick out something and love it, okay." he smiled wiping a tear off the crying boy's face "okay...I'll try" benji smiled slightly for the first time since he's been here "good, now let's lay down a cuddle for a bit" he unwrapped his legs from victors waist and they both lied down so benji was resting on the other boy's chest and victor ran his hands up and down his back.
"I love you, benji, whether you believe it or not..." victor kissed the top of his head "I love you too, victor" they both smiled before sharing a sweet kiss with each other...
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I'm currently writing two smuts 😩🤪
Smut is so hard to write..like how do you just write about sucking dick when you've never done it before 🙄🤚
