𝕸𝖆𝖞𝖇𝖊 𝖎𝖓 𝕬𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝕷𝖎𝖋𝖊

Hopeless 1

I sure felt goddamn hopeless as I walked home.

 Like everything was pulled out of me. 

My life was falling apart. Just as it always was. 

Little by little I was turning into the only thing I'd ever be. 

The next king. 

Was that really my only destiny?

Maybe when I die I'd just get another life like in the stories I read. 

You just simply perish then turn into something else. Someone else. Completely different. And if you are normal, you'll forget your past life. 

But I didn't want to forget. 

And other lives simply sound crazy. 

Impossible. 

Simply fiction. 

I submerge myself in the water, making it down to the secret tunnel where I left my stardust lantern which by now was running out of stardust, so I better make it quick. 

I grabbed the lantern which was emitting a dim amount of light and headed down the tunnel. 

My walk turned into a run and soon enough I was already halfway through.

Halfway through the tunnel.

Nowhere near halfway through my problems. 

But...

I was nowhere near halfway through 2 whole months. 

I could make the most of my time. 

I exit the tunnel and turn the corner around the castle to the rope up to my window. 

I began to climb, which I always struggle with. But over time I've gotten better. I climb up the rope pretty easily since no wind is blowing it side to side. 

When I get up into my window a girl is waiting for me. 

"Zarah?"

"Yes, it is me August. I was sent up here so you have company but, you weren't here. Then I saw the rope... but I'm no snitch. 'Snitches get stitches' is a popular thing in my kingdom."

"Oh, well thank you. But may I ask why are you still here?"

"Simply because the carriage was delayed from the rain, the wheel got stuck in some mud and I suppose they just gave up. So I'll be staying here for the night." 

"Oh, okay."

"What were you doing down there? And why sneak out? Well, I guess your parents seem more strict, even though mine have been preparing me for an arranged marriage for months. I have always dreamed of finding love. But not forcefully of course. And I've always dreamed it'd be more... local."

"Oh, nice. Where is your castle again? Sorry, I sound like a snoop."

"It's fine, and my parents chose to have the castle right in the center of Zayan. I tried having relationships before, they were even with pretty wealthy people. But they are 'Rich, but not enough for a princess' which is probably why I'm here." she sighed. 

"Sorry to bring you here."

"No worries it wasn't exactly your choice. But now... its my turn to snoop. Do you have love out down there? I don't know just a hunch."

"I don't know."

"Don't know?" she looked at me like I was crazy, which I often felt as if I was. 

"Yeah, you do," she said.

"Who is she?"  first of all, how did she know, and second I don't know who she is.

I'm still near the window and the breeze is hitting the back of my neck. 

"Uh. I need to pull this rope in and close the window one second."

"You should probably clean the rain too. A lot of it came in."

"True. Very true. And I need to organize my closet so maybe we should talk about this later-"

"Stalling, stalling, stalling, I'll bet you have some lover down there. But maybe our lives are just a tragic romance you know. Maybe we'll have to run away. If only I were courageous enough. I'm no book character. Speaking of tragic romances you seem to have a lot. May I perhaps uh... borrow some?" 

"Sure, why not," I say cleaning the floor. 

I'm not stalling. 

I don't have a lover. 

I-

I don't even know anymore. 

Once I finished my cleaning I sat on the chair perched next to my bed. Which was very very soft. 

Maybe too soft, if that's possible. 

I sunk into the chair in a matter of seconds. 

"Okay, now... tell me, your future fiance who your lover is. Now that sounds weird. But whatever."

I could tell Zarah was trying to be funny but the words "future fiance" really punched me in the stomach. 

I guess after hours of processing the information I still couldn't get over it. 

Zarah was going to be my fiance in 2 months.

And then we'd be married. 

And I've only known her for a couple of hours.

"Never mind, I'm tired, I'll go change for bed. You can change out here since your clothes look like you've just swum through a river. I'll be back."

She left and I went to my closet to change into something. 

I searched through my closet and found a basic shirt and pants (well as basic as the clothes in a royals closet get) and hide my wet jacket. 

I put my wet clothes in a laundry basket and got dressed since wet clothes aren't exactly the most comfortable thing. 

I exit my closet and flop onto my bed, which is very bouncy. I reach next to my bed to read a book on Moana daughter of the chief of Waialiki. 

I looked up above me at the ceiling which was decorated with maps.

Maps of the world. 

Maps interest me. 

Almost everything interests me. 

Except getting an arranged marriage. 

But... that's besides the point. 

But the point was?

I don't know. 

I had maps of fantasy worlds I'd wish to explore, every kingdom on the map, maps of underwater kingdoms, and maps of the sky. 

I start to get tired and my eyes attempt to close but I want to stay awake. 

Finally, my body gives up on me my eyes close and I curl up into a ball as I do when I go to sleep. 

I settle down and slowly I go into a world where all there are is fantasy.

No reality. 

Just pretend. 

Just like what Theo and I would play as children. 

Just in a world of whatever you'd like. 

The life I've always wanted.

Away from everything else.

I can't have that in reality.

But maybe in my dreams, I can live the life I've always wanted.