Flowers At The Door

NYC, 7

Remus held his breath after he knocked on Sirius' door. After cataloging the scuffs on his shoes, he decided to give Sirius until the count of 10 to open the door, or he was leaving, and any chance of a relationship would be gone with him.

Sirius opened the door at the count of six- his wet hair sleeked behind his ears and his well worn pajama shirt clinging to his broad frame- residual moisture seeped through near his shoulders and across his chest.

"Hi," Remus searched Sirius' face for any indication that he was overstepping. He licked his lips, "you- um, you sent your code and-"

"And that means you just get to show up here?" He leaned into the door frame and pinned Remus with his gaze.

"Well you sure as hell didn't give me a chance to explain anything at the show."

Sirius frowned, "what's there to explain? You're not ready for this."

"Stop putting fucking words in my mouth!" Remus pulled the sleeves of his knit sweater over his hands and stuffed them in his armpits. "Sorry, I-I shouldn't yell at you. I know better, you.. I just don't know what to do here, Sirius."

"Do you want a relationship?"

Remus scoffed, but sobered quickly. "A relationship? Sirius I want the type of love that doesn't exist yet. One where I can't get enough of you and one where every minute together is the best times of our lives because we're so obsessed with each other. I want a partner who makes me smile just when I think of them and who can make heat pool in my stomach from just a look or a touch or a kiss. I don't just want a relationship, Sirius, I want a great fucking love," he sighed, "and I thought that could be us, but not if you're not going to trust me."

"I just need to know what changed between the time we left the market and arrived at the bar."

Remus stared at him. "He was right," Remus nodded to himself, "I can't believe- after what I just said, you still can't see that I want you. Not because of Regulus or in spite of Regulus but because you're you and ever since I met you, my heart has been on fire with how much I want you!"

"Who was right?"

"You just want to get in my pants. Jesus, it's because of Mark, right? This is all just because you can't stand the idea that Mark had something you want."

"No, it not. It's really not, Remus. I just want a full picture."

Remus' foot tapped anxiously on the linoleum hallway tiles. "Some day I'm sure you'll get one. Until then, you can either get over it and try to listen to me telling you that I want you in a way I never thought I'd want someone or you can get so stuck on it that you're not able to stop me from leaving right now and never looking your way again."

Sirius opened and closed his mouth twice before answering. "Why?"

"It's just not a story I can tell you. Regulus will have to tell you when he wants to."

Sirius shook his head, no, "why do you want me?"

"Have you seen yourself, Sirius?" Remus chuckled, "maybe this won't mean anything to you right now, but I trust you. Someday you can learn how much it means to me when I say that, but for now know that I mean it with my whole being. After that first night when you honestly creeped the hell out of me, I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Sirius frowned.

"Sirius, that night when I was drunk off my ass, I really don't remember anything, but I remember needing you and panicking when I couldn't find you. You make me feel safe and I need to be with someone who makes me feel that way. Okay? Am I making any sense at all?"

"We're not going to tell Regulus?" Sirius stood back up straight.

"Not right now."

Sirius nodded and they stood silently while Sirius contemplated. "I usually don't like relationships. But there is something about you, Remus Lupin," he smiled now for the first since this conversation started, "I just need to know you."

Remus smiled to as he exhaled, "so can I come in?"

Sirius nodded and stepped aside, "I'm doing homework right now, but you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like, and-"

Remus quickly followed him in and shut the door behind himself. As Sirius continued into the living area, Remus stopped and leaned against the door. "Sirius?"

"-there's leftovers in the fridge..." his thought trailed off as he turned to look at Remus again.

"Come and kiss me."