26. Dear Elaine

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July 5th, 2009

I am not done with us. I couldn't possibly choose to part ways with you. I rarely had time to write back to you. This Is It rehearsals have been getting time consuming and stressful. It's running me down.

I am barely sleeping, but I imagine lying in bed with you would help. You want to talk to me about what I love and hate? I love receiving your letters with stamped sealing wax on your envelopes. I love how you put your words. I also love your stubbornness. And in time, I will love you.

What I hate is I am rehearsing for a residency I don't want to do. I hate that I am doing this rather than being with you. I hate being around greedy men. I hate that I'm not treated like a regular person by anyone except you. You are real. I want to keep that.

What I love and what makes me happy is God. I love children, nature, peace, and my fans. My heart is open enough to love anything.

What made me feel lost was the media scrutiny during child sexual abuse allegations. Everywhere I looked, there was a new headline of a tabloid story full of blasphemy. I got side eyed and mocked for years. But I never stopped loving children. I kept continuing with life because living is a beautiful privilege that not everyone has. What makes me feel lost right now is being apart from you.

But I will be with you, soon. I've cancelled This Is It to fly to you. This residency cannot do what you do for me. You wanted me, now you have me.

With love,
Michael

With Love ◛ Michael Jackson Where stories live. Discover now